AITA for publicly telling my ex coworker that I don’t like them?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Awkward Encounters and Uninvited Guests

When a woman unexpectedly runs into a former coworker at her birthday celebration, tensions rise as past grievances resurface. Despite her attempts to keep the interaction civil, a blunt remark leads to an uncomfortable scene that leaves everyone shocked. This story explores the challenges of navigating social situations, especially for those with autism, and raises questions about honesty versus politeness in uncomfortable encounters. It’s a relatable tale for anyone who’s ever had to deal with unwanted company or the complexities of past relationships.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution at a Birthday Celebration

In a recent incident that unfolded during a birthday celebration, a 32-year-old woman found herself in a conflict with an ex-coworker, Sara, aged 31. The situation escalated quickly, leading to feelings of discomfort and embarrassment. Here’s a breakdown of the events:

Setting: The incident took place at a bar where the woman was celebrating her birthday with friends.
Encounter: The woman unexpectedly ran into Sara, a former coworker from a fast food restaurant where they both worked for two years. Their relationship had been strained due to Sara’s management style and personality.
Conversation: They engaged in a brief conversation, during which Sara inquired about a job recommendation at the woman’s new workplace, a call center. The woman expressed her discomfort with the request.
Uninvited Presence: After the conversation, Sara followed the woman to her table, where her friends were seated. The woman, caught off guard, bluntly told Sara, “I don’t like you, can you please leave?”
Reactions: The statement shocked everyone at the table, including Sara, who reacted by calling the woman rude and offensive. The friends were confused, as they had no context about Sara’s past behavior.
Background: The woman has autism and reflected on her response, realizing it was not the most appropriate way to handle the situation. She had previously experienced bullying from Sara, who made jokes about her disabilities.
Aftermath: Following the confrontation, Sara left the table, and the woman’s friends expressed their support, criticizing Sara’s behavior. They were aware of Sara’s past actions and comforted the woman, validating her feelings.
Reflection: Although the woman felt guilty about her bluntness, her friends reassured her that she was not in the wrong. They left the bar shortly after due to the uncomfortable atmosphere and continued the celebration at her apartment.

This incident highlights the complexities of family drama and conflict resolution in social settings. The woman’s struggle with social cues, combined with her history with Sara, contributed to the tension of the evening. While she is working on improving her social interactions, the support from her friends played a crucial role in helping her navigate the aftermath of the encounter.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I, a 32-year-old female, ran into an ex-coworker, Sara, a 31-year-old female, at a bar while I was out with friends celebrating my birthday. We worked together for two years at a fast food restaurant. I left this job in January 2025.

She was a shift lead, and I’ve never liked her. I didn’t like her management style or her personality. She came up to me at the bar, and we had a 10-minute conversation.

I thought it was cordial and polite. She was mostly asking me questions about my new job. She asked if I would recommend her for a job at my new company.

I got a job at a call center, nothing glamorous. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that. She brushed it off with a bad joke.

I ended the conversation and walked to the table my friends were at, and Sara followed me. I didn’t notice until I got to the table that she sat down next to me. My friends introduced themselves, and I, without thinking, said something along the lines of, “I don’t like you, can you please leave?”

I have autism, and I could tell that was not the correct thing to say. Everyone seemed uncomfortable, and Sara was visibly shocked and upset. My friends were shocked and confused.

They assumed that Sara was a friend or someone I invited to the table. They had zero context of who Sara is. Sara made a scene and told me that I was rude, a bitch, and a bunch of other things.

She said that I embarrassed her. She embarrassed herself by following me to my table uninvited. And yes, she knew it was my birthday.

I do feel bad and know that I could have formulated a polite response. But she’s a former coworker and an unpleasant one. I have many stories about her, but the worst example is that she made jokes about my autism and deafness multiple times.

She is fake nice, and her friendship style is bullying people. She has a really icky vibe. I don’t know what Sara wanted from me.

I wasn’t going to hang out with her, especially not on my birthday. So, AITA for telling her bluntly that I don’t like her?

Edit

I forgot to mention how my friends reacted after Sara left. They were really upset that she called me a bitch and collectively told her to leave. Sara left quickly, and I told them who she was.

They’ve heard stories about Sara for years. None of my friends thought I was an asshole. All of them were comforting and validating.

We ended up leaving the bar within the hour because I was overstimulated and felt so uncomfortable being at the bar. We went back to my apartment and hung out for a bit there.

The reason I thought I was an asshole is that I’ve been trying to be better about social situations. My friends are used to how I communicate and are biased. When I was reflecting on the situation, I was thinking of better ways to tell Sara to leave that wouldn’t have resulted in a scene or being berated.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post. I can’t possibly respond to every comment, but I have read them all.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a unanimous agreement that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for their bluntness towards Sara, who was perceived as manipulative and rude. Many users commend OP for setting boundaries and being forthright, especially given Sara’s past behavior and her attempt to leverage social situations for personal gain. The consensus emphasizes the importance of honesty in uncomfortable situations and the necessity of standing up to individuals who disregard social norms.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflict in social settings can be challenging, especially when past experiences influence current interactions. Here are some practical steps for both the woman and Sara to consider in resolving their conflict and moving forward:

For the Woman

Reflect on Emotions: Take time to process the feelings that arose during the encounter. Acknowledge the hurt caused by Sara’s past behavior and how it impacted your response.
Consider a Calm Conversation: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to Sara for a private conversation. Express your feelings about her past behavior and how it affected you, using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory.
Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding future interactions. Let Sara know what behaviors are unacceptable and what you need to feel comfortable in social settings.
Seek Support: Continue to lean on your friends for support. They can provide perspective and help you navigate any future encounters with Sara.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that it’s okay to have strong feelings and that your response was a reflection of your past experiences. Be kind to yourself as you work through this situation.

For Sara

Reflect on Past Behavior: Take time to consider how your management style and comments may have affected others, particularly the woman. Acknowledging past mistakes is the first step toward growth.
Apologize Sincerely: If you feel it’s appropriate, reach out to the woman and offer a genuine apology for any hurt you may have caused in the past. Acknowledge her feelings and express a desire to move forward positively.
Respect Boundaries: If the woman expresses a desire for distance, respect her wishes. Understand that rebuilding trust takes time and patience.
Seek Feedback: Consider asking trusted friends or colleagues for feedback on your interpersonal skills. This can help you identify areas for improvement in your interactions with others.
Work on Empathy: Practice putting yourself in others’ shoes. Understanding different perspectives can help you navigate social situations more effectively in the future.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution requires effort from both parties. By taking these steps, both the woman and Sara can work towards understanding each other better and potentially mending their relationship. Remember, it’s important to approach these situations with empathy and a willingness to grow.