AITA for yelling at a mom and her kid to get out of my home?

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When DnD Meets Parenting: A Game Night Gone Wrong

In a bid to create a fun DnD campaign, a woman invites a friend’s mom to join, only to face a whirlwind of chaos when the mom brings her toddler along without warning. As the night unfolds, the toddler’s antics lead to a series of stressful incidents, culminating in a dramatic confrontation that leaves the host questioning her boundaries and friendships. This relatable tale highlights the challenges of balancing adult hobbies with parenting responsibilities, sparking a debate on personal space and expectations in social settings. Can you really mix family life with game night, or is it a recipe for disaster?

Family Drama Over DnD Game: AITA?

A few months ago, I (28F) initiated a new Dungeons & Dragons (DnD) campaign and invited several friends to join. Here’s how the situation unfolded:

Invitation and Inclusion: One of my friends, Sarah, requested to bring her friend Anne, a mother who rarely gets adult time. I agreed, despite concerns about her potential flakiness due to childcare responsibilities.
Initial Cancellations: Anne canceled every proposed first session for two months, often at the last minute. I informed her that if she couldn’t attend the next session, she would be welcome to join one-shots instead.
Unexpected Arrival: Anne finally attended a session but brought her toddler without prior notice. This created immediate complications.
Bathroom Incident: Upon arrival, the child needed to use the bathroom and made a mess. I asked Anne to clean it up, which seemed to put her on edge.
Distractions at the Table: Once we sat down, the toddler began running around, causing stress. Anne attempted to manage him by putting him on her lap, but the table was filled with mini figurines, dice, and drinks, posing safety risks.
Conflict Over Safety: The child wanted to play with the game materials, and I expressed my concerns about safety. Anne insisted he was gentle, leading to a disagreement while the child threw a tantrum.
Request to Step Outside: After the child knocked over a glass, I asked Anne to take him outside to calm down while I made the table safer. She complied, looking embarrassed.
Dog Encounter: When they returned, my dog came out to drink water. Despite having informed them of my house rules regarding the dog, the child spotted her and ran towards the dog, causing a chaotic scene.
Escalation: I intervened to prevent the child from reaching the dog, but he fell and started crying. This led to a heated argument between Anne and me, resulting in me asking her to leave my home.
Aftermath: Sarah, who had carpooled with Anne, left with her. The remaining guests and I had an awkward but enjoyable evening.
Public Backlash: The next day, I discovered local social media groups criticizing me for being controlling and discriminatory. Sarah, a long-time friend, is now not speaking to me.

In light of these events, I am left questioning my actions. Was I in the wrong for prioritizing safety and setting boundaries during our game night? AITA?

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

A few months ago, I (28F) started a new DnD campaign and invited a few friends. One of them, Sarah, asked if her friend Anne could join. Anne is a mom who doesn’t get many chances to hang out with adults, so I agreed, even though I knew she might be flaky due to childcare responsibilities.

I asked Anne if she could attend at least the first few sessions to get familiar with the game, and she agreed. She then proceeded to cancel, mostly last minute, every proposed first session for the next two months. I told her I’m sorry, but if she can’t make it to the next proposed session, she won’t be in long campaigns; she’s still welcome to join one-shots.

She apologized and said she’ll make it. She made it, but brought her toddler without asking. As soon as they came, the kid needed to use the bathroom.

He made a mess since he can’t fully use an adult toilet yet. I told Anne that’s fine but asked her to clean it up. This surprised her, and she started being a bit on edge.

We finally sat down at the table, and the kid started running around, looking for things to do. I was a bit stressed out by this. Anne noticed and put him in her lap.

But now the kid was at the table, which was covered in mini figurines, dice, pretty pictures, and maps, most being a choking hazard, along with glasses of various drinks. The kid started fussing about wanting to play with them. I was telling Anne no because it’s not safe; she told me he’s gentle and doesn’t put stuff in his mouth—we bickered while her kid was throwing a tantrum.

After the kid knocked over a glass, I loudly asked her to step out into the backyard and calm him down a bit while I made the table safer. She did, visibly embarrassed, and I removed everything except for plain-looking papers, pens, and paper cups.

I also did my best to calm down, as this entire thing stressed me out to hell and back at this point. They came back, and things were fine for a minute. That is, until my dog came out of my bedroom to drink water.

Now, I don’t have many house rules, but I have one that’s important: ignore the dog. They were informed of that before coming over. The kid spotted her and yelled “DOGGY”; Anne put him down “to say hi,” and he made a full-speed beeline at my dog while making grabbing motions and yelling.

I stopped him by stepping out in front of him; he ran into me, fell down, and started crying. Anne started screaming at me; I screamed back and very swiftly told her to get the f out of my home. Sarah was annoyed and told us it took them an hour and a half to get to me, then went with Anne since they carpooled.

The rest stayed; it was awkward for half an hour or so, but we ended up having fun, and they even stayed for the night. I then woke up to the local Facebook groups and people’s Instagram stories calling me a controlling asshole, saying I’m “discriminating” against various players, being too strict, and “have a dangerous dog.”

To add insult to injury, Sarah, who I’ve been friends with for years, is not speaking to me. So, AITA?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for asking Anne to leave after she brought her toddler uninvited and failed to manage the child’s behavior. Many users emphasize that it is the parent’s responsibility to ensure their child is entertained and safe in someone else’s home, and Anne’s lack of planning and respect for OP’s boundaries was seen as unacceptable. Overall, commenters believe that OP acted reasonably in maintaining a respectful environment for their game night.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Conflicts like the one described can be challenging, especially when they involve friends and personal boundaries. Here are some practical steps to help both parties navigate this situation and potentially mend their relationship:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on the Situation: Take some time to consider the events that transpired. Acknowledge your feelings about the disruption and the safety concerns you had. Understanding your emotions can help you communicate them effectively.
Reach Out to Sarah: Since Sarah is a mutual friend, consider reaching out to her first. Express your feelings about the situation and ask for her perspective. This can help you understand her stance and potentially mediate the situation with Anne.
Communicate with Anne: If you feel comfortable, send a message to Anne. Acknowledge the difficulties of parenting and express that you understand her challenges. Share your concerns about safety and boundaries, and explain why you felt the need to ask her to leave.
Set Clear Boundaries for Future Events: If you decide to host another game night, consider establishing clear guidelines regarding guests and their children. Communicate these expectations upfront to avoid misunderstandings.
Be Open to Feedback: Be receptive to any feedback from both Sarah and Anne. This can help you understand their perspectives and show that you value their opinions, even if you disagree.

For Anne

Reflect on Your Actions: Consider how your decisions impacted the game night. Acknowledge the challenges of bringing a child to an adult gathering and the importance of respecting the host’s space and rules.
Apologize to OP: If you feel it’s appropriate, reach out to OP and apologize for the disruption caused by your child. A sincere apology can go a long way in mending relationships.
Communicate Your Needs: If you wish to continue participating in DnD or similar gatherings, communicate your needs as a parent. Discuss potential solutions, such as arranging for childcare or attending events that are more family-friendly.
Consider Future Invitations: Before accepting invitations to events, assess whether it’s feasible to bring your child. If not, consider declining the invitation or finding alternative arrangements for childcare.
Engage in Dialogue: If you feel comfortable, have an open conversation with Sarah about the situation. This can help you both understand each other’s perspectives and maintain your friendship.

Conclusion

Conflicts involving friends and differing expectations can be resolved through open communication and empathy. By taking the time to understand each other’s perspectives and setting clear boundaries, both OP and Anne can work towards rebuilding their friendship and ensuring future gatherings are enjoyable for everyone involved.