For taking everything from my wife in divorce.

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Is Tough Love the Answer After Emotional Abuse?

After months of emotional turmoil and financial strain, a man grapples with the decision to finally cut ties with his estranged wife, who has failed to uphold their financial agreement following their separation. As he prepares to reclaim his car and drop her from his insurance, he questions whether he’s being cruel or simply enforcing necessary boundaries. This story resonates with many who have faced the complexities of ending a toxic relationship, especially when it involves shared responsibilities and the struggle for self-assertion. Can tough love be justified when the stakes are so high?

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Difficult Decision

A man finds himself in a challenging situation following a six-month separation from his wife. As he prepares to file for divorce, he reflects on the financial responsibilities that have become a source of tension between them.

The couple agreed to pay their own bills after separating.
His wife lost her job a month after their separation and has not found new employment.
Despite their agreement, she has not paid her share of several bills, including:
- Rent for a place he no longer resides in, where their adult daughter still lives.
- Her car payment, which is in his name, forcing him to cover it.
- Her car insurance, which he must pay to avoid lapsing his own policy.
After months of feeling taken advantage of, he decides to take action:
- He plans to reclaim his car.
- He intends to remove her from his insurance policy.
- He will stop paying rent for a residence he does not occupy.
Despite feeling justified, he grapples with guilt, questioning if he is being too harsh or if this is necessary tough love.

Updates on the Situation

After sharing his story, he receives an outpouring of support from the community, which encourages him to follow through with his plans. However, the situation escalates:

Upon informing his wife of his decisions, she reacts negatively, leading to a confrontation.
During the incident, she flees the scene after a collision with his vehicle.
The police are called, but they cannot intervene significantly.
Protective orders are filed, and a court date is set for the upcoming week.
His child, who has been living with the mother, sides with her, complicating family dynamics.

Reflections and Moving Forward

In his final update, he expresses gratitude for the support he has received and acknowledges the complexity of the situation:

He emphasizes that his post was intended to seek moral guidance, as he has already consulted with a lawyer regarding legal matters.
He reassures his child that he understands their feelings and does not blame them for their opinions.
He plans to keep the community updated once the legal process concludes, hoping his experience may inspire others to prioritize their well-being.

In navigating this family drama, he learns the importance of conflict resolution and the challenges that come with making tough decisions during a tumultuous time.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My wife and I have been separated for going on 6 months. I’m ready to file for divorce. When we separated, we agreed to pay our own bills and split a few things.

She lost her job a month after we split and hasn’t found a new job yet. She hasn’t paid her portion of some of the bills, i.e., her portion of rent where I no longer live but was helping because my adult daughter still lives there, her car payment which is in my name so I have to pay if she doesn’t, and her car insurance which I also am forced to pay because mine will lapse if not.

I’ve got all my ducks in a row after 5 months of being walked all over, and I’m ready to take possession of my car and drop her from the insurance while no longer paying any rent for a place I don’t live in. But now it’s time to follow through, and I feel like the biggest asshole around. Could be because she mentally and emotionally abused me the whole relationship, causing me to be very weak when it comes to her.

AITAH for allowing her to get away with not paying her portion for months and then boom I just take everything away, or is this the tough love I should have been giving the whole time?

Quick Update

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and generosity. You don’t even know me, and that’s wild for me to wrap my brain around. I knew this is exactly what needed to happen, and all of your words of encouragement have been wonderful.

I’m going to take care of this today and will post an update when I’m done. Thank you, again!

2nd Update

Again, thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. This was strictly being asked from a moral standpoint; my lawyer already advised me on the legality of things. I went to take care of things, and they flew a little off the handle.

The info was not received well on her end, and she fled the scene after a collision with the vehicle I was in. The police were called, and they weren’t able to do much. Protective orders have been filed, and there’s court this week.

My child immediately took their mother’s side, and I don’t fault them. Their mother is a very manipulative, narcissistic victim, and my child has been living with their mother only for the past 6 months. I’m sure my name has been dragged through the mud plenty already.

Unfortunately, I knew this might happen, and I was prepared for it mentally. I’ve already told my child that I don’t blame them for any feelings they have or for opinions they have towards the situation.

3rd Update

I just want to thank everyone for their kindness and support. There won’t really be many further updates, as I’ve moved forward with what I was posting about originally. Now the process has started, so I will reserve my comments until things are completed.

In the future, once things are completed, I’ll try to come back and give a final update of how things went. For now, maybe my post will encourage someone else to choose themselves and their peace. Please be sure to seek legal counsel wherever you may be; my post was strictly from a moral standpoint.

Also, please remember this is an open forum, and I’d ask that we try to be respectful to anyone’s opinion here. Remember the golden rule: opinions are like assholes; everyone has one, and most are full of shit! Let’s respect their shit opinions!

Again, thank you everyone for the outpouring of support. I wouldn’t have guessed to gain this much traction.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments reveal a strong consensus around NTA due to the user’s long-standing patience and the need for their ex-partner to take responsibility for her own life. Most users agree that the individual is justified in stopping the support that has allowed her to avoid facing the consequences of her actions, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing one’s own well-being after a toxic relationship.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Conflict within families, especially during times of separation or divorce, can be incredibly challenging. It’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and a focus on constructive resolution. Here are some practical steps for both parties involved:

For the Husband

Communicate Clearly: Before taking any drastic actions, have an open and honest conversation with your wife. Explain your feelings and the reasons behind your decisions. Aim for a calm discussion rather than a confrontation.
Set Boundaries: Clearly outline what you are willing to support and what you are not. This can help establish expectations moving forward and prevent misunderstandings.
Seek Mediation: Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a mediator, to facilitate discussions. This can help both sides express their concerns and work towards a mutually agreeable solution.
Document Everything: Keep records of all communications and agreements regarding financial responsibilities. This documentation can be crucial if legal matters arise.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that help you cope with stress and seek support from friends or professionals if needed.

For the Wife

Reflect on Responsibilities: Acknowledge the financial agreements made during the separation. Understanding the impact of not fulfilling these obligations is crucial for personal growth and accountability.
Seek Employment Support: If struggling to find a job, consider reaching out to local employment agencies or career counseling services. Taking proactive steps can help regain independence.
Communicate Needs: If facing financial difficulties, express your situation to your husband. Open dialogue about your challenges may lead to temporary solutions that work for both parties.
Consider Counseling: Engaging in individual or couples counseling can provide a safe space to explore emotions and improve communication skills, which can be beneficial for both parties.
Respect Boundaries: Understand and respect the boundaries set by your husband. This can help prevent further conflict and foster a healthier dynamic moving forward.

Moving Forward

Conflict resolution is a process that requires patience and understanding from both sides. By taking these steps, both parties can work towards a more amicable relationship, even amidst the challenges of separation. Remember, prioritizing well-being and open communication can pave the way for healing and growth.