[UPDATE] to AITA for telling my husband that I don’t want to be a single mom of three kids?

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When Family Dynamics Turn Toxic

In a heart-wrenching tale of marital strife, a woman finds herself at a breaking point as her husband and his family refuse to acknowledge her needs and boundaries. After a heated confrontation that escalates to physical altercations, she makes the difficult decision to pursue a divorce, prioritizing her safety and the well-being of her children. This story resonates with many who have faced similar struggles in relationships, highlighting the complexities of family involvement and the importance of self-advocacy in the pursuit of happiness.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Divorce Update

In a recent update, the situation surrounding a troubled marriage has escalated, leading to a decision for divorce. Here’s a summary of the events that unfolded:

Initial Conflict: The protagonist, feeling unsupported in her marriage, decided to seek a divorce from her husband, Rey, due to fundamental disagreements on their relationship.
Unexpected Visit: The morning after the decision, Rey’s mother (MIL) and sister (SIL) arrived unannounced, expecting to find her alone. However, she was with her sister, M, and her children were at their uncle’s house.
Family Tension: The conversation quickly turned confrontational. The protagonist expressed that discussions about the marriage should occur between her and Rey, not with his family. This stance offended her MIL, leading to a heated exchange.
Escalation: Rey arrived later, not to check on his children but to criticize his wife for her treatment of his mother. The presence of M seemed to temper his initial aggression.
Unproductive Dialogue: The couple engaged in a lengthy discussion that yielded no resolution. Rey accused her of being a bad wife and mother, while she pointed out his lack of involvement with their children.
Threatening Behavior: As tensions rose, Rey exhibited signs of anger, clenching his fists and grinding his teeth. The protagonist felt threatened and suggested divorce if he was unwilling to work on their issues.
Divorce Decision: Initially, Rey agreed to the divorce but later attempted to negotiate. The protagonist remained firm, stating that their children would not be uprooted from their home.
Physical Altercation: The situation escalated further when Rey grabbed the protagonist, prompting M to intervene. The confrontation led to a physical struggle, and the protagonist called the police.
Aftermath: Rey left before the police arrived, and the protagonist provided a statement. She decided to stay in the house, feeling safe but shaken by the events.
Reflection: The protagonist expressed regret for her previous feelings towards M, realizing that her envy stemmed from her own unhappiness. She acknowledged M’s support and kindness throughout the ordeal.

In conclusion, the protagonist is moving forward with the divorce process, recognizing that the situation could not have ended differently. She appreciates the support received from the online community during this challenging time.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

Hello to everyone. I wanted to update since a lot of people were worried about me, and a lot has happened.

For those who don’t want to read a long post: things turned ugly, but I am safe, and I decided to get a divorce since my husband and I couldn’t agree on how a marriage should look like.

Now for a long update: the morning after I made this post, my MIL and SIL showed up at my house. At this point, there was still no word from my husband; let’s call him Rey. It was obvious that they expected me to be alone; my kids were with BIL at my sister M’s house, and she was with me.

So we all sat down to have a conversation. I know I was being annoying, but I kept repeating that I don’t see the point of that; the conversation should happen between Rey and me. We are grown-ups and married, and I didn’t see a reason for them to meddle.

They took great offense to that. My MIL, at one point, said that she doesn’t understand what happened to me; I am not the girl her son married anymore. I said, of course, I’m not; he married a teenager, and I’m now a grown woman.

She turned beet red and started screaming at me, to which M said she was going to call the police if she didn’t calm down. After a few insults, mostly about how I’m abusing her son and how bad of a mother I am, they left.

Rey showed up a few hours later. Not to ask about our children or to see how I am, but to berate me on how I treated his mother. Again, I think M being there changed his plan since he toned it down when she came downstairs.

He demanded for her to leave; she refused and said that she was going to go upstairs so we could have a conversation, but she was not going anywhere until I asked her to, which I didn’t. He started by basically saying that I am a bad wife, that I don’t love him since I don’t want more kids, and I blamed him for it.

I shouldn’t be speaking with him like that; he is a great father to our kids, etc. I asked, which kids? Kids he hasn’t seen in three days and didn’t ask how or where they are? He then freaked out when I told him they are at BIL and M’s house, calling them both vile names that I don’t want to repeat.

Our conversation lasted an hour, and nothing productive came out of it; we were going in circles. I was scared because he multiple times started grinding his teeth and putting his hands in fists, but he would calm down after a few seconds.

I said if he is not willing to work on our marriage and thinks that he is completely in the right, we should get a divorce. He, at first, said fine; if that’s what I want, I should pack my stuff and leave. I started packing, and he ranted about how I’m going to live without him, how he can’t wait for me to explain to the kids why they are moving, and similar.

I said that the kids are not moving anywhere. They are staying in the house, and whichever parent stays here is taking care of them. He really couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. I am not turning our kids’ lives upside down; divorce is enough of a change—they are not going anywhere.

Then his tune changed; he was willing “to hear me out.” I swear I thought I was going to pop a blood vessel from rage. I said I don’t care anymore—we ARE getting a divorce; the only questions are about logistics and our kids.

To not make this post even longer, this also went in circles. Then he grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me; M got involved, and they started pushing each other. I called the police.

We managed to push him through the door and locked it. He left before the police came; we gave statements, and I stayed at the house. I am fine, but M has a few scratches. Currently, I’m bombarded with texts from his family; again, not a peep from him.

I am filing for divorce. I don’t know why I thought that this could end any differently, but I’m also glad that I tried.

For people who found my previous posts, I am ashamed of how I was speaking about M, but I was envious until I realized that I was projecting my unhappiness with my life onto her. She didn’t deserve it; she was and still is an amazing sister and an even better person.

Thank you all; I got amazing advice and words of encouragement. The Internet can also be full of wonderful people, and I’m grateful for each and every one of you.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus around the need for caution and self-protection following the user’s decision to leave an abusive relationship. Many users express concern for the user’s safety, emphasizing the potential danger posed by the ex-partner, especially during the divorce process. Overall, the comments highlight the importance of setting boundaries, seeking legal advice, and taking necessary precautions to ensure personal safety.

Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Conflict within families, especially during a divorce, can be incredibly challenging and emotionally charged. It’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and a focus on safety and resolution. Here are practical steps for both the protagonist and Rey to consider:

For the Protagonist

Prioritize Safety: Ensure your physical and emotional safety is the top priority. If you feel threatened, consider seeking a restraining order or involving law enforcement if necessary.
Set Clear Boundaries: Communicate your boundaries clearly to Rey and his family. Let them know that discussions about the divorce should be between you and Rey, and that you need space to process your feelings.
Seek Legal Counsel: Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and options regarding custody, property division, and the divorce process. This will empower you to make informed decisions.
Engage a Mediator: If possible, consider involving a neutral third-party mediator to facilitate discussions about the divorce and co-parenting arrangements. This can help reduce tension and promote constructive dialogue.
Lean on Support Systems: Continue to seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your experiences can provide emotional relief and practical advice.
Focus on Self-Care: Take time for self-care activities that help you relax and recharge. This could include exercise, hobbies, or therapy to process your emotions.

For Rey

Reflect on Behavior: Take time to reflect on your actions and how they may have contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. Acknowledging your role is crucial for personal growth.
Seek Professional Help: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor to address any underlying issues, such as anger management or communication skills. This can help you navigate your emotions more effectively.
Respect Boundaries: Accept the protagonist’s need for space and respect her boundaries. Understand that pushing for discussions with her family may escalate tensions further.
Communicate Calmly: When discussing the divorce, strive to communicate in a calm and respectful manner. Focus on the well-being of your children and how to co-parent effectively.
Consider Mediation: Be open to the idea of mediation to resolve disputes amicably. This can help both parties reach agreements without further conflict.
Focus on Co-Parenting: Prioritize the needs of your children during this transition. Work collaboratively with the protagonist to create a stable environment for them.

In conclusion, navigating a divorce is never easy, especially when emotions run high. By prioritizing safety, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help, both parties can work towards a resolution that respects their individual needs and the well-being of their children.

Join the Discussion

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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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