UPDATE TO AITAH for thinking of leaving my boyfriend because his behavior has gotten worse after the birth of our daughter?

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A Struggle for Safety and Stability

In a heart-wrenching journey, a mother escapes an abusive relationship with her daughter, seeking refuge in a shelter while navigating the complexities of safety, privacy, and rebuilding her life. As she faces the daunting task of applying for government assistance and finding a job, the constant fear of her daughter’s father looms over her every decision. This story resonates with many who understand the challenges of domestic abuse, the struggle for independence, and the fight for a better future for their children.

Relatable Themes: The emotional turmoil of leaving an abusive partner and the fight for safety is a reality for many.
Thought-Provoking Issues: The story highlights the systemic barriers faced by those seeking help, such as long wait times for housing assistance.
Empathy and Support: It encourages readers to reflect on the importance of community support for those in crisis.

Update on My Situation: Seeking Support and Stability

In the midst of family drama and conflict resolution, I wanted to provide an update on my current situation after leaving my apartment with my daughter. The journey has been challenging, but I am determined to rebuild our lives.

Current Living Situation: We are now in a shelter, having left our apartment early in the morning. This decision was made to ensure our safety after my daughter’s father went to work.
Safety Precautions: The shelter staff conducted a thorough check of our belongings to ensure there were no tracking devices. I must adhere to strict rules, including curfews and restrictions on sharing our location.
Living Conditions: We have a room with basic necessities provided, but I need to bring my own personal items like body wash and laundry detergent. Food is communal, but I can keep my daughter’s formula in our room.

As part of the process, I filled out applications for various assistance programs, including WIC, SNAP, TANF, and Medicaid for both myself and my daughter. However, I was informed that securing a low-income apartment could take years.

Legal Considerations: I had to provide my daughter’s father’s information for assistance applications, which raises concerns about custody and visitation rights. The shelter worker advised me to consult a lawyer specializing in family law.
Health Concerns: My daughter has been visibly upset and needs to see a new pediatrician. I am worried about her well-being amidst this turmoil.

The emotional toll has been significant. I often feel anxious and nauseous, especially with the fear of my daughter’s father reacting negatively when he returns home. His previous outbursts included screaming and property damage, which adds to my stress.

Next Steps: I am focused on obtaining a protective order to help secure custody of my daughter. I want to avoid sharing custody unless absolutely necessary.
Future Plans: I need to create a resume and start job hunting immediately. I also plan to change my phone number to prevent any contact from my daughter’s father.

Despite the overwhelming challenges, I am hopeful for the future. I have a bank account that he cannot access, and I am eager to find employment to gain independence. The shelter worker mentioned that it could take up to a month to receive assistance, which adds to my anxiety.

In conclusion, I appreciate the support I have received so far. I am committed to navigating this difficult period and ensuring a safe and stable environment for my daughter. I look forward to sharing more positive updates as we work towards rebuilding our lives.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

Edit people are asking me to make a GoFundMe. The shelter worker did not recommend a GoFundMe anyway due to privacy reasons. I made a Venmo with the same username as my Reddit username to keep some privacy.

Thank you to everyone who has offered help so far and more resources to help me rebuild my life after leaving. The shelter worker was the one who said I may have to change my number if my daughter’s father starts harassing me through text messages, but she didn’t say I absolutely had to do it. I’m terrified for when he does get off work and goes back to the apartment.

I’m just ready for things to get better. I still feel like I’m going to barf. Now it’s just waiting and doing my best to make it day by day.

Hi all, I know a lot of you wanted an update. We are in the shelter now. We left the apartment at 8 am this morning, about an hour after my daughter’s father left for work.

It has been a long morning for me. I had to meet with a worker from the shelter, show that I had my location turned off on my phone, and she had to go through mine and my daughter’s things that I brought to make sure there were no tracing devices. There are rules I have to follow, like curfew, can’t have packages delivered, or have the address shared publicly due to safety reasons.

I can’t let anyone know where I am, or else that’s a violation, and we will have to leave for safety reasons. They gave me and my daughter a room and a spare pack and play for her to be in and provided us with a spare set of sheets and a blanket for me. The shelter will provide things like toilet paper, pads, and tampons, but if I want special stuff like my own body wash or shampoo or laundry detergent, I have to get that on my own and make sure it is in my room and not in common areas.

I can’t eat in the room we were given, and all food and snacks have to be communal, but I can keep things like my baby’s formula in the room. When we got to the shelter, they had me fill out the application for WIC, SNAP, TANF, and Medicaid for both myself and my daughter. I also filled out an application to get a low-income apartment, but the shelter worker said that could take years before I’m approved.

I also have to create my own resume and start finding a job as soon as possible. I had to provide my daughter’s father’s name and information to apply for these benefits, so I don’t know if I’ll have to give him custody or visitation to receive any government help. The shelter worker said I was better off talking to a lawyer, and she’s going to give me a list of ones who work with the shelter in family law.

I also need to get my daughter to see a new pediatrician because she was so angry, cranky, and miserable all weekend. I’ve never felt so stressed, scared, and sick to my stomach like I was waiting for him to just explode and make things even worse. It ended up with her father screaming at me and throwing and breaking things like plates and one of my candles.

The next big thing is getting a protective order and seeing if that will help me with keeping custody of my daughter. I really don’t want to share custody of her with him unless I absolutely have to. I’m just so tired and anxious.

My stomach is in knots. I have to try and get a police escort to get my clothes and what few sentimental items I have because the shelter doesn’t have clothes in my size right now. I’m scared my daughter’s father has ruined more of my things.

I’m scared he’s ruined her things too. I feel like there is a ball in the pit of my stomach, and I feel like throwing up. I haven’t been able to sleep or really think beyond getting away from my daughter’s father.

I have not contacted my mother because I can’t trust her not to tell my daughter’s father where we are at. I feel like I’m starving, and I can’t wait to have a hot meal. I’ll probably have to change my phone number to make sure my daughter’s father can’t contact me.

I have a bank account he has no access to, and I’m hoping I can find a job soon so I can get a car so we won’t be relying on the shelter to get us to places we need to be. The shelter worker said it can take up to a month before I receive any assistance, and that has me nervous and scared too. I’m really hoping I hear something back soon for assistance and can hopefully get into a low-income apartment so we aren’t in the shelter for a long time.

I’m still scared of what’s to come for our future just because I don’t know what to expect next. I just want to never hear from her father again and move on and be done with him.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments express overwhelming support for the original poster (OP) who has left an abusive relationship, emphasizing the importance of staying strong and not returning to the abuser. Many users highlight the challenges faced by women in similar situations, encouraging OP to document any communication with her ex and to lean on the resources available at the shelter. The consensus is that while the journey ahead may be difficult, OP has already accomplished the hardest part by leaving, and she should continue to prioritize her safety and that of her daughter.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

It’s commendable that you’ve taken the brave step to leave an abusive situation. Your priority should be the safety and well-being of both you and your daughter. Here are some practical steps to help you navigate this challenging time:

For Your Immediate Safety

Continue Utilizing Shelter Resources: Make the most of the support services offered at the shelter. They can provide counseling, legal advice, and assistance with job placement.
Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of any interactions with your daughter’s father, including dates, times, and descriptions of incidents. This documentation can be crucial for legal proceedings.
Establish Boundaries: If you have to communicate with your daughter’s father, do so through a third party or in writing to maintain a record and minimize direct conflict.

Legal Considerations

Consult a Family Law Attorney: Seek legal advice regarding custody and protective orders. Many organizations offer free or low-cost legal services for individuals in your situation.
Apply for a Protective Order: If you feel threatened, a protective order can legally restrict your daughter’s father from contacting you or coming near you.

Emotional and Physical Well-Being

Seek Counseling: Consider speaking with a therapist who specializes in trauma and domestic abuse. Many shelters provide access to mental health professionals.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your health by finding small ways to care for yourself, whether it’s through exercise, meditation, or simply taking time to breathe and relax.

Planning for the Future

Job Search and Resume Building: Utilize resources at the shelter to help you create a resume and prepare for job interviews. Look for local job fairs or online job boards that cater to your skills.
Financial Independence: Open a bank account that your daughter’s father cannot access. Start budgeting your expenses and look into financial assistance programs that can help you during this transition.

Support Network

Lean on Supportive Friends and Family: Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support and practical help, such as childcare or transportation.
Join Support Groups: Look for local or online support groups for survivors of domestic abuse. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be incredibly healing.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Many have faced similar challenges and have successfully rebuilt their lives. Stay strong, prioritize your safety, and take one step at a time towards a brighter future for you and your daughter.

Join the Discussion

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