WIBTA if I prevented my anti-vaxxer mom from meeting her first grandchild for refusing to get the TDAP booster?

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When Parenting Your Parent Becomes a Reality

As a soon-to-be mother, the author grapples with the frustration of dealing with her anti-vaxxer mother who refuses to comply with necessary health precautions for her newborn. Despite her calm explanations about the importance of the TDAP booster, her mother’s stubbornness and conspiracy theories threaten to overshadow the joy of impending motherhood. This relatable struggle highlights the generational divide in attitudes toward health and safety, making many readers reflect on their own family dynamics and the challenges of setting boundaries with loved ones. Can she protect her child while navigating her mother’s defiance?

Family Drama Over Baby Shower Vaccination Requirements

A pregnant woman is facing significant family drama as she prepares for the arrival of her baby boy. With only ten weeks left until her due date, tensions have escalated between her and her mother regarding health precautions for the newborn. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Background: The expectant mother is deeply invested in ensuring her baby’s safety, especially in the first few months after birth.
Baby Shower Discussion: During a recent call, the mother mentioned her brother, who lives in California, might not attend the baby shower because he wants to be present for the birth.
Health Precautions: The mother informed her mom that her brother would need to get the TDAP booster vaccine to be around the newborn, as advised by her doctor.
Mother’s Reaction: The expectant mother’s mom reacted negatively, stating she would not get vaccinated and would instead wear a mask. This response led to a heated argument.
Conflict Resolution Attempts: The expectant mother tried to explain the importance of the vaccine, emphasizing that her siblings, husband, and in-laws understood the necessity of the TDAP booster.
Mother’s Stance: The mother expressed her refusal to get vaccinated, citing her past experiences and beliefs against vaccines, which frustrated the expectant mother further.
Past Experiences: The expectant mother recalled how her mom had previously contracted COVID-19 due to her disregard for health warnings, which added to her frustration.
Support from Siblings: The expectant mother shared her concerns with her brother and sister, who offered to talk to their mom about the situation.
Husband’s Advice: Her husband suggested that the mother might eventually come around to the idea of vaccination when faced with the reality of not being able to see her grandson.

The expectant mother is now grappling with the dilemma of how to handle her mother’s refusal to comply with health guidelines. She is considering limiting her mother’s access to the baby if she does not agree to get vaccinated. The situation raises questions about family dynamics, conflict resolution, and the challenges of navigating differing beliefs, especially regarding health and safety during a time of significant life changes.

As she seeks advice, the expectant mother wonders if she would be the antagonist if she chooses to restrict her mother’s access to her newborn based on her vaccination stance. This family drama highlights the complexities of managing relationships while prioritizing the health and safety of a new life.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

I apologize if this comes off more as a rant. I swear I’m looking for advice. My hormones are elevated because of how pissed I am after getting off a call with my mom.

I’m trying to calm down and be rational, but I don’t know what to do and just need advice on how to get my mom to grow the heck up. I’m 10 weeks from my due date. My mom called me to talk about the baby shower, and I mentioned to her that my brother, who lives in CA, may not come because he wants to be here for his nephew’s birth.

I told her that I warned him that he’ll need to get the TDAP booster if he wants to be around him and that I want to limit as many people as possible who have access to him in the first two months after his birth. I’ve been through so much to get to this point with my baby boy that I’m madly in love with, and I’m taking every precaution to make sure he’s safe. My mom goes, “I’ll wear a mask or something, but I’m not getting no vaccine.”

Repeating this is pissing me off all over again. I explained to her as calmly as possible that my doctor said it’s required for anyone who will be in contact with a newborn to have the TDAP booster. My siblings understand this, my husband, my in-laws. THIS WOMAN THOUGH???

She’s like, “I’ve never had to get that vaccine; I’m not getting any more vaccines. I refuse to put these things in my body.” I was like, “Well then, you won’t be anywhere near your grandson for the first couple of months.” She starts arguing with me about it, and OMG, my mom is freaking anti-vaxxer!

It’s pissing me off again, again, again; it’s pissing me off just typing this. Her irresponsible self was the FIRST ONE TO GET COVID when the pandemic hit because she didn’t listen to stuff my siblings and I WARNED her about. We literally had to THREATEN HER and drag her to a freaking clinic to get the vaccine while she whined and complained and spat conspiracy theories from Facebook boomer memes!

AND when she got COVID, we told her to QUARANTINE, and when I checked up on her, she said she was at a freaking GROCERY STORE??? You are INFECTED!! Why do I need to parent my parent to be a non-selfish adult???? Sorry y’all, I’m pissed. I’m so pissed.

I ranted to my brother and sister, who said they’re going to talk to her. My husband told me not to stress, and she’ll eventually change her mind when we tell her she can’t be around our son. But my mom is so hard-headed and sneaky, and this is not the BS I need right now.

Has anyone dealt with boomer anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist parents? How do I get my mom to see reason? And if I can’t, would I be the ahole if I give her ignorant self nothing more than a FaceTime because I’m not compromising on this?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the mother-in-law (MIL) should be required to get vaccinated before meeting the newborn, as many users emphasize the importance of protecting the child’s health. Users advise against trusting the MIL’s word alone and suggest strict verification of her vaccination status, highlighting that the responsibility for the child’s safety ultimately lies with the parents. Overall, the comments reflect a firm stance on prioritizing the baby’s well-being over familial relationships.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict Over Vaccination

Navigating family dynamics, especially during significant life events like the arrival of a new baby, can be challenging. The situation between the expectant mother and her mother regarding vaccination requirements is sensitive and requires careful handling. Here are some practical steps to address both sides of the conflict:

For the Expectant Mother

Open Communication: Schedule a calm and private conversation with your mother. Express your feelings and concerns without placing blame. Use “I” statements, such as “I feel worried about the baby’s health” instead of “You are being irresponsible.”
Educate and Inform: Share credible information about the TDAP vaccine and its importance for newborns. Consider providing resources from trusted health organizations to help her understand the risks involved.
Set Clear Boundaries: Be honest about your expectations regarding her vaccination status. Explain that your priority is the baby’s health and that you may need to limit contact if she refuses to comply.
Involve Siblings: Since your siblings are supportive, consider having them join the conversation. A united front may help convey the seriousness of the situation and encourage your mother to reconsider her stance.
Offer Alternatives: If your mother is hesitant about vaccination, suggest alternatives like virtual visits or outdoor meetings until she feels comfortable. This shows you value her presence while prioritizing safety.

For the Expectant Mother’s Mother

Listen and Reflect: Take time to understand your daughter’s perspective. Acknowledge her concerns about the baby’s health and the importance of vaccinations in protecting vulnerable populations.
Consider the Risks: Reflect on your past experiences with illness and how they impacted your family. Recognize that your decisions affect not only your health but also the health of your grandchild.
Seek Compromise: If you are uncomfortable with vaccination, discuss potential compromises, such as wearing a mask and maintaining distance during visits. However, be open to the possibility of getting vaccinated for the sake of your grandchild.
Educate Yourself: Take the initiative to learn more about vaccines and their benefits. Speak with healthcare professionals who can provide unbiased information to help you make an informed decision.
Express Your Feelings: Share your fears and beliefs about vaccination with your daughter. Open dialogue can help both sides understand each other better and find common ground.

Conclusion

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and prioritize the health and safety of the newborn while maintaining family relationships. Both sides should approach the situation with empathy and a willingness to listen. By engaging in open communication and seeking common ground, it is possible to navigate this challenging situation in a way that respects both the expectant mother’s concerns and the mother’s beliefs.

Join the Discussion

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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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