AITA for cutting off my college friends after they used me for years?

AITA for cutting off my college friends after they used me for years?

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When Friendship Turns One-Sided

In a competitive med school environment, one student finds herself shouldering the burden of group projects while her friends take a backseat. After years of hard work and dedication, she reaches a breaking point when she realizes her friends have been studying together for a crucial exam without including her. As she grapples with the decision to distance herself from these friends, she faces the daunting prospect of navigating her studies alone. This story resonates with anyone who has experienced the struggle of unequal friendships and the challenge of setting boundaries.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution in Med School

In the midst of a challenging medical school journey, a student faced significant family drama and conflict resolution issues with her close friends. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

• Background: The student, 24 years old and from a competitive Latin American country, formed a study group with three friends: Yellow, Green, and Purple. They had been inseparable since the beginning of their medical studies.
• Unequal Contributions:
  • Initially, the student didn’t mind doing most of the work for group projects, believing her organization skills were beneficial.
  • As time progressed, it became clear that her friends expected her to handle all aspects of their projects, including research and presentations.
  • Despite her efforts, her friends received the same grades without contributing significantly.
• Breaking Point:
  • During a particularly demanding semester, the student had to manage six subjects and seven major group projects.
  • Green occasionally offered help but often resorted to using ChatGPT without making any real effort.
  • Yellow showed little interest in contributing at all.
• Indigenous Language Course:
  • The student struggled with an indigenous language course, which was known to her friends.
  • Green and Yellow studied together for the midterm and final, while the student felt overwhelmed and unsupported.
  • This realization highlighted the lack of reciprocity in their friendship.
• Final Straw:
  • After missing a presentation due to not meeting the minimum points, the student learned that Yellow had privately expressed an expectation for her to drop out.
  • This comment was the catalyst for her decision to distance herself from the group.
• Current Situation:
  • The student is now taking an online summer course where Green is also enrolled, but she has chosen not to respond to Green’s messages.
  • Next semester, she will have classes with both Yellow and Green again, creating potential wedding tension.
  • Purple, who has been supportive, is in different classes this semester, leaving the student feeling isolated.
• Seeking Advice:
  • The student feels guilty about cutting off her friends without explanation and is looking for recommendations on how to handle the situation moving forward.
  • She aims to maintain a neutral stance while navigating her studies and friendships.

This situation highlights the complexities of friendship dynamics, especially in high-pressure environments like medical school. The student’s experience serves as a reminder of the importance of equitable contributions and support in collaborative efforts.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

I’ve had three close friends since the beginning of med school; let’s call them Yellow, Green, and Purple. We were a study group and did everything together. I’m the oldest at 24, since it took me a while to get into med school. I’m from a Latin American country, and it’s very competitive.

Ever since the first semester, I noticed I was the one doing most of the work when it came to group projects. At first, I didn’t mind because I take my studies seriously and assumed they just relied on me because I was more organized. But by the second semester, it became obvious they expected me to do everything—powerpoints, research, formatting, even structuring the presentation so they only had to memorize a few lines.

They always got full credit, just like me, despite barely contributing. Last semester was the breaking point. I had six subjects and had to do seven major group projects.

Once again, I did them all alone. Green would occasionally offer to help, but when she did, she’d just copy-paste from ChatGPT without even trying to reword it. Yellow didn’t bother at all.

What made me finally cut them off was a specific subject we had to take—an indigenous language course. I struggled a lot with it, and everyone knew, including Yellow and Green. Meanwhile, I was drowning in group projects and trying to study for this class.

One day, Green casually told me she had spent the entire weekend at Yellow’s house just studying for the indigenous language midterm. I let it slide because I thought it was a one-time thing, but then for the final, she mentioned again—completely casually—that they had been studying together since Thursday. We had the subject on Monday.

That’s when it hit me. I had been doing all the research, all the projects, carrying them for years, while they never once offered to help me with my struggles. To add insult to injury, I missed one presentation out of seven because I didn’t get the minimum points to present.

I let my group know in advance, gave them my part of the script, and made sure they had everything they needed. I had never missed a presentation before. Later, I found out from another classmate that Yellow had privately messaged her saying she “expected” me to drop out. I beg your finest pardon???

That was the final straw for me; I made the decision to distance myself. I will still acknowledge them when I see them, but I have no intention of working with them again. Right now, I’m taking an online summer course where Green is also enrolled.

She has sent me private messages, but I haven’t replied. Next semester, I’ll have classes with both Yellow and Green again. Purple, who has seen firsthand how much effort I put into everything and how things fell apart, has stuck by me.

However, she’s taking different classes this semester, so we’ll only really see each other at lunch. That means I’ll either have to make new friends or spend most of my time alone. I don’t plan on being rude, but I can’t shake the guilt of cutting them off without an explanation. Any recommendations on what I can do?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong agreement that the original poster (OP) is justified in distancing themselves from friends who have consistently taken advantage of their efforts. Users emphasize that friendships should be mutually supportive, and OP does not owe any explanations to those who have treated them poorly. Many commenters encourage OP to seek out new connections that are more respectful and appreciative of their contributions.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Navigating friendships during the intense experience of medical school can be challenging, especially when feelings of imbalance and resentment arise. Here are some practical steps for the student to consider in resolving the conflict while maintaining her well-being:

Steps for the Student

1. Reflect on Your Needs:

   Take some time to identify what you need from your friendships. Consider what support looks like for you and how you can communicate these needs effectively.

2. Communicate Openly:

   If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to Green and Yellow to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I felt overwhelmed when I had to manage most of our projects alone.”

3. Set Boundaries:

   Establish clear boundaries regarding your availability and contributions to group work. Let them know that you expect a more equitable distribution of tasks moving forward.

4. Seek Support from Purple:

   Since Purple has been supportive, consider discussing your feelings with them. They may offer valuable insights or even act as a mediator if you decide to address the group.

5. Explore New Connections:

   Look for opportunities to connect with other students who share your values regarding collaboration and support. Building a new study group can provide a fresh perspective and alleviate feelings of isolation.

Steps for Green and Yellow

1. Self-Reflection:

   Green and Yellow should take time to reflect on their actions and the impact they have had on the student. Understanding how their behavior may have contributed to the current situation is crucial for personal growth.

2. Reach Out:

   If they value the friendship, Green and Yellow should consider reaching out to the student to apologize for their lack of support and express a desire to improve their collaboration in the future.

3. Commit to Change:

   They should be willing to actively participate in group projects and demonstrate their commitment to a more balanced friendship. This includes being open to feedback and adjusting their contributions accordingly.

Conclusion

Conflict in friendships, especially in high-pressure environments like medical school, is not uncommon. By taking proactive steps to communicate needs and establish boundaries, both the student and her friends can work towards a healthier dynamic. Remember, mutual respect and support are the foundations of any strong friendship.

Join the Discussion

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