WIBTA if I cutoff my girlfriend financially all of a sudden (breaking up)

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Should He Stay or Go? A Heart-Wrenching Dilemma

In a tough emotional bind, a 25-year-old man grapples with the decision to break up with his girlfriend, who he still loves deeply. As he supports her financially through her demanding X-ray program, he questions the morality of cutting ties while she relies on him for rent and living expenses. Adding to the complexity, their relationship has a history of infidelity, leaving him torn between compassion and self-preservation. This relatable struggle highlights the challenges of love, responsibility, and the difficult choices many face in modern relationships.

Relationship Dilemma: Navigating Breakup and Financial Support

A 25-year-old man is grappling with the decision to break up with his girlfriend, 24, due to ongoing emotional struggles. The situation is complicated by financial support he has provided her during her studies. Here’s a breakdown of the key points in this family drama:

Current Relationship Status: The man is still in love with his girlfriend but feels emotionally drained and conflicted about their future together.
Financial Support: He has been financially supporting her throughout her X-ray studies, covering expenses such as:

Groceries
Gas for her car
Car insurance
New scrubs and textbooks
School fees
Rent, as she has been unable to work due to her demanding schedule

Living Situation: Although they do not live together, she spends most of her time at his place, leading to a blurred line in their relationship dynamics.
Encouragement to Focus on Studies: He encouraged her to quit her job to concentrate on her studies, believing it would alleviate her stress and allow them to spend more time together.
Concerns About Breakup: He is worried about the implications of breaking up, particularly regarding:

Whether it would be morally right to stop providing financial support
Her ability to find a job while preparing for board exams
His feelings of guilt for encouraging her to leave her job

Past Infidelity: The relationship has a history of infidelity, as she cheated on him years ago. Although they reconciled, recent arguments have reignited his doubts about their future.
Conflict Resolution: He is contemplating whether to offer to cover her rent temporarily after the breakup, questioning if it is common to continue financial support post-relationship.

In summary, the man is facing a significant emotional conflict regarding his relationship and the financial responsibilities he has taken on. As he considers breaking up, he must weigh the implications of his support and the potential impact on his girlfriend’s future. This situation highlights the complexities of love, financial dependency, and the challenges of conflict resolution in relationships.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

I, 25m, think I need to break up with my girlfriend, 24f. I am still in love with her, so this is hard for me to do. And I just don’t want to be a dick about it.

She is an X-ray student in clinicals full-time, unpaid, and I help her out a lot financially because of that. To be honest, I pay for pretty much everything for her: groceries, gas for her car, car insurance, new scrubs, textbooks, fees for school. And the biggest one is rent.

We don’t technically live together, but she is always at my place. She technically has her own place with two roommates. I pay her rent because when her clinical hours increased, she had no time to breathe between clinicals, massive amounts of studying, and her job.

I barely ever saw her and could tell she was stressed and on the brink of a mental breakdown. I told her it makes more sense to quit her job and focus on school, and I can help her out. After that, she had a little more time to breathe in her schedule, I got to see her way more, and everyone was happy.

But now, if I break up with her, am I a massive dick if I stop paying for things? I know that once she becomes my ex-girlfriend, she isn’t my responsibility, but from a moral standpoint, is that cruel? I know it will be hard for her to scramble to find a job when she is studying for board exams.

And I was the one who encouraged her to leave her job, so I guess I would feel partially bad for putting her in this situation. Should I offer to cover her rent at least until she finds a job? Or is continuing to pay after breaking up not a thing people do?

Edit: Yes, she cheated on me, but it was years ago, not while she’s been in X-ray school. I broke up with her for it. We eventually got back together, and there’s been no cheating in that time, the past two years, but I just can’t emotionally do it anymore.

She threatened to unblock him during an argument the other day. I don’t think I can recover from that.

Edit 2: I didn’t realize people would care this much about the context. For those saying I’m not telling the full story, if you really want to read me complain about my relationship more, here is my previous post.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is justified in wanting to end the relationship due to his girlfriend’s past infidelity and her desire to maintain contact with her ex. Many users emphasize that her calling him controlling is unreasonable, given her history of cheating, and suggest that he should prioritize his own well-being by cutting ties with her. Overall, the comments reflect a belief that trust has been irreparably damaged and that OP deserves better treatment.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complexities of this relationship dilemma, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and clarity. Here are practical steps for both the original poster (OP) and his girlfriend to consider:

For the Original Poster (OP)

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to assess your emotions and the reasons behind your desire to break up. Write down your thoughts to gain clarity on what you truly want.
Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation with your girlfriend about your feelings. Express your concerns regarding the relationship, her past infidelity, and the emotional toll it has taken on you.
Set Boundaries: If you decide to break up, clearly outline your boundaries regarding financial support. Consider what you are comfortable providing, if anything, and communicate this to her.
Consider a Transition Plan: If you choose to offer temporary financial support, set a clear timeline and conditions. This can help her transition while also protecting your own financial well-being.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Having a support system can help you navigate this emotional journey.

For the Girlfriend

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your actions and the impact they have had on the relationship. Acknowledge the past infidelity and consider how it has shaped your current dynamics.
Open Dialogue: Be willing to listen to OP’s concerns without becoming defensive. Understand that his feelings are valid and deserve consideration.
Plan for Independence: Start thinking about how you can support yourself financially, especially if the relationship ends. Explore job opportunities that can accommodate your study schedule.
Address Emotional Needs: If you wish to maintain the relationship, express your commitment to working on trust issues. Consider couples therapy to help rebuild trust and communication.
Respect Boundaries: If OP decides to end the relationship, respect his decision and the boundaries he sets regarding financial support. Focus on your own growth and future.

Conclusion

Relationships can be incredibly complex, especially when intertwined with financial support and emotional struggles. Both parties should prioritize their well-being and communicate openly to navigate this challenging situation. Ultimately, making decisions that honor both individuals’ needs and feelings will lead to healthier outcomes, whether together or apart.

Join the Discussion

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