AITA for avoiding my mom after she told me to “suck it up” when I broke my fingers

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When Pain Meets Indifference: A College Student’s Dilemma

After a heavy weight crushes her fingers at the gym, a college student reaches out to her unsympathetic mother for help, only to be met with harsh words instead of comfort. Torn between her mother’s dismissive attitude and her own pain, she faces a tough decision about seeking medical care. When she finally gets the confirmation of broken fingers, her mother’s reaction leaves her questioning their relationship. This story resonates with anyone who has struggled to find support from loved ones during tough times, highlighting the complexities of familial bonds and the need for empathy.

Family Drama Over Injury: A Conflict Resolution Dilemma

A college student experienced a painful incident at the gym that led to a significant family conflict. Here’s a breakdown of the situation:

Incident at the Gym: The student suffered a heavy-weight accident, resulting in severe pain in three fingers of their left hand.
Emergency Call: In distress, the student called their mother for support, expressing concern about a possible fracture and the need for urgent care.
Lack of Empathy: The mother, known for her lack of empathy towards physical injuries and mental health issues, dismissed the student’s pain, advising them to “suck it up.”
Waiting Period: Unsure of the severity of the injury, the student decided to wait, hoping the pain would subside.
Roommate’s Intervention: Upon returning home, the roommate noticed the student’s condition and insisted on going to urgent care, despite the mother’s warnings about their insurance.
Cost Consideration: The student researched the out-of-pocket cost for an X-ray, which was $200, and decided to proceed with the visit.
Mother’s Reaction: When informed about the potential fractures, the mother responded with laughter, suggesting the student should be glad about the diagnosis.
Ongoing Silence: Three weeks passed without communication between the student and the mother, despite the mother reaching out for updates.
Conflicted Feelings: The student felt conflicted about the mother’s sudden interest, questioning her sincerity and how to address the situation in future conversations.
Brother’s Perspective: The student’s brother suggested that the mother might genuinely care and that the student was overreacting to her initial response.

This situation highlights the complexities of family dynamics, particularly in times of crisis. The student is now faced with the challenge of conflict resolution, weighing whether to confront their mother about her lack of support or to ignore the issue altogether. The tension surrounding the injury and the differing responses from family members adds to the emotional burden of the situation.

This is Original story from Reddit

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My Gym Injury

I was at the gym when a heavy weight fell onto three of the fingers on my left hand. I was in such severe pain that I thought I was going to pass out. While sobbing, I called my mom as I was at college, far away from home.

I told her that I thought I broke my fingers and that I wanted to go to urgent care. My mom has never been empathetic toward physical injuries and mental health issues. When she heard me, she told me to suck it up and rest.

I figured I would wait for a while; who knows, she could be right. I feel I should mention that my fingers did not look deformed, so other than the bruising and swelling, I was unsure if they were broken or not.

While waiting, my roommate came home and saw the state that I was in. She took one look at my hand and assured me we had to go to urgent care. I didn’t want to betray my mom because she always said to never go to the ER or urgent care due to our “terrible insurance.”

However, I went and researched the cost of an out-of-pocket X-ray at the nearest urgent care, and it was only $200, which I was willing to pay. I told my mom this, and she said, “You better hope your fingers are broken or else I’m not helping you pay for anything.” So I was under a weird circumstance where I hoped my fingers were broken for the sake of saying “I told you so” to my mom.

I finally went to urgent care and got an X-ray. They confirmed both my pointer and middle fingers were broken and may need surgery if not healed properly. When I called my mom back later that day and told her the news, she basically laughed and told me I should be glad that they were broken.

Three weeks have gone by, and I have not spoken to her since. She’s texted me and asked for updates on my fingers, but I feel conflicted about why she’s suddenly acting like she cares when she clearly didn’t in the first place. She’s also not someone you can easily share your feelings with, so I’m not sure how to go about our next conversation.

Should I just ignore it, or try to bring it up with her? I was not expecting the overflow of “NTA” comments, and I have been asked about why I believe I am the asshole. I spoke to my brother about it, and he told me that I was overreacting and that she just wants to check up on me and probably feels bad for diminishing my issues.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault (NTA) for seeking medical help independently from their mother, who is perceived as controlling and possibly narcissistic. Many users emphasize the importance of establishing boundaries and suggest that OP should prioritize their health over their mother’s opinions, while also recognizing the complexities of their relationship. The overall sentiment encourages OP to focus on their well-being and consider strategies to manage their mother’s influence.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving Family Conflict

Conflict within families, especially during times of crisis, can be challenging and emotionally taxing. Here are some practical steps for both the student and the mother to help navigate this situation and foster healthier communication moving forward.

For the Student

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to process your emotions regarding the injury and your mother’s response. Understanding your feelings can help you articulate them better when discussing the situation.
Set Boundaries: Consider what boundaries you need to establish with your mother regarding support and communication. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being and seek help from others when needed.
Communicate Openly: When you feel ready, have a calm conversation with your mother. Use “I” statements to express how her response made you feel, such as “I felt dismissed when you laughed about my injury.” This can help reduce defensiveness.
Seek Support: Lean on your roommate or friends for emotional support. They can provide a different perspective and help you feel validated in your experiences.
Consider Professional Help: If the conflict continues to weigh heavily on you, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist. They can provide strategies for coping with family dynamics and improving communication.

For the Mother

Practice Empathy: Reflect on your initial response to your child’s injury. Consider how your words may have affected them and try to understand their perspective.
Reach Out with Care: When you contact your child, express genuine concern for their well-being. Acknowledge their pain and validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand them.
Be Open to Feedback: If your child expresses their feelings about your past reactions, listen without becoming defensive. This can help rebuild trust and improve your relationship.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about physical injuries and mental health. Understanding these topics can help you respond more compassionately in the future.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Create an environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their feelings and experiences. This can strengthen your relationship and foster better communication.

Moving Forward

Family dynamics can be complex, but with open communication and a willingness to understand each other, it’s possible to resolve conflicts and strengthen relationships. Both parties should prioritize empathy and understanding as they navigate this situation together.

Join the Discussion

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