AITA for telling a waiting room about the encounter I had with a doctor?

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When Medical Protocols Clash with Parental Instincts

A mother navigates the complexities of her daughter’s healthcare needs, particularly when it comes to discussing birth control and the anxiety that accompanies medical visits. After a tense encounter with a doctor who insists on a policy that excludes parents from certain procedures, she faces a dilemma: protect her daughter’s comfort or adhere to medical norms. This relatable story highlights the challenges many parents face in balancing their child’s autonomy with their need for support, especially in sensitive situations. It raises thought-provoking questions about patient rights, parental involvement, and the emotional toll of navigating healthcare as a family.

Family Drama Over Doctor’s Appointment

A mother in her mid-thirties faced a challenging situation during a doctor’s appointment for her teenage daughter, who struggles with social anxiety. The incident sparked family drama and raised questions about conflict resolution and parental rights in medical settings.

Background: The mother and her daughter recently moved to a new town and were searching for a family doctor. The daughter prefers her mother to accompany her during appointments due to her anxiety.
Appointment Details:
- They visited a new doctor, where the initial check-in and vitals were routine.
- The daughter expressed interest in birth control, indicating she wanted to be sexually active with her boyfriend.
- The mother, while not thrilled, emphasized the importance of safe sex, given her family’s history of teen pregnancies.
Doctor’s Recommendations:
- The doctor suggested a pap smear before prescribing birth control, citing early prevention as crucial.
- The mother wanted to ensure her daughter was comfortable with the procedure, given her anxiety.
Policy Conflict:
- When the doctor returned, he requested the mother to leave the room during the pap smear, citing clinic policy.
- The mother expressed concern about her daughter’s anxiety and discomfort with being alone during the procedure.
- The doctor insisted that it was a standard, non-invasive procedure and questioned the need for a nurse to be present.
Daughter’s Reaction:
- Despite initial agreement, the daughter ultimately felt uncomfortable and chose not to proceed with the pap smear.
- She expressed a preference for a different form of birth control, but the doctor maintained that a pap smear was necessary.
Aftermath:
- Frustrated, the mother made a comment to another parent in the waiting room about the doctor’s policy regarding birth control appointments.
- Her husband felt that her actions were out of line and embarrassed their daughter.
- The mother reflected on her behavior, feeling conflicted about whether she was justified in her actions.

This situation highlights the complexities of family drama, especially when it comes to conflict resolution in medical settings. The mother’s protective instincts clashed with clinic policies, raising questions about parental involvement in sensitive health matters for teenagers.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Hello.

I am in my mid-thirties and have a teen daughter. We just moved to this town and are trying to find a new family doctor. My daughter prefers when I come into the room with her because she has really bad social anxiety and struggles to verbalize things because of this.

We went to a doctor a little bit ago. Everything was very standard; we went in, had a very sweet person check us in, and we waited an hour to be seen. The nurse took my daughter’s vitals and checked her height and weight. We told her some concerns, not important, and waited for the doctor.

Once the doctor came in, we chatted for a few minutes, and he asked her some routine questions. Any mental health concerns, up to date on vaccines, any issues with food, any concerns, etc. My daughter wanted to get on birth control because she is interested in being sexually active with her boyfriend and obviously wants to be protected.

I’m not by any means thrilled, but I will always ensure my child has protection, and we have always stressed safe sex, especially since I come from a very, very long line of teen parents. The doctor asked if she was sexually active, and she said no. He asked what she currently uses for protection, and she said abstinence.

He sort of chuckled and said that she was a good girl. Finally, he asks if he can do a pap smear before he makes a decision on giving her birth control. I asked why, and he educated us on early prevention and that if she is becoming active, it’s a good thing to do, and it would be irresponsible for her to not receive one.

He would not feel comfortable prescribing her any type of birth control if she said no. I asked my daughter if she was comfortable with that, if she wanted to wait, or what. I wanted to make it clear to her that it was her choice.

I hate having pap smears done and always feel very uncomfortable with it, so if she wanted to avoid it until she was older, that was fine with me. My daughter started to retreat and said it was fine, but I know her anxiety clues really well. She was not truly comfortable with it, and I could tell.

I asked her again, but more quietly, and she stated again she was okay with it. The doctor left the room while she got into a gown, and when he returned, he asked me to leave. I asked why, and he stated that it’s against the clinic’s policy to allow parents in the room when these procedures are being done unless the child was special needs.

I was very hesitant to let her be alone because I know her anxiety is really bad. My daughter can’t even call someone on the phone. I asked if I could wait for the nurse to come in, and he asked why the nurse needed to come in.

Whenever I’ve had these types of things and I’ve had a man do my exam, they are always accompanied by nurses. I thought it was standard, and I felt really thrown off at this. I’ve never once been asked to leave my kid’s appointments for ANY procedures unless it required it to be sterile.

I have an older son who had his three wisdom teeth taken and stayed for all three procedures. I have a younger daughter who needed a catheter for a medical procedure, and they never even asked me to leave for that. I have never been asked.

After I asked that, he said there is no reason for a nurse to come because it is a noninvasive procedure, and he tried to reassure me that it is painless, and it takes longer for people to disrobe and get dressed than it does for the procedure. I said I would prefer my daughter to have a nurse in or a woman doing this. He questioned me on why.

I said that my daughter is very clearly uncomfortable and at the age where she is insecure about her body. He said that he is a professional and he sees bodies of all ages, ethnicities, and weights. There is nothing sexual or inappropriate; it is a simple medical procedure to ensure my daughter has no issues.

I looked at my daughter and I asked her if that was okay. At first, she just stared at the ground and shrugged, but after some reassurance, she said she doesn’t want to do this. She asked if she could go on a different birth control; she wanted the IUD because we both agree that she isn’t in the best place for that level of responsibility.

He told her no because it did not matter which birth control she got; she was required to have one for any. I said she is going to get dressed, and there wasn’t any point to continue unless he has any concerns. He said that going forward, because she wants to be sexually active, he would have to note that and wanted to give me a heads up.

He left, and she got dressed, and when we went out to the waiting room, I was very upset. After we checked out with the very nice woman from before, I went out the door to the waiting room and saw another teen girl my daughter’s age. In a fit of anger, but not out of control angry—I wasn’t yelling—I said, “If anyone is in here with Dr. MisterDr and your child wants birth control, they won’t let you stay in the exam room.”

I told my husband, and he thinks I was out of line and embarrassed our daughter. I feel very sad and bad that I did it, but I also think I’m justified, though I may be biased. I don’t know. I don’t always like admitting when I’m wrong.

Thoughts?

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments overwhelmingly support the notion that the doctor acted inappropriately by not having a chaperone present during a pelvic examination, which is considered standard practice for the safety of young patients. Many users express concern about the doctor’s dismissive attitude towards the invasive nature of the procedure and his questionable comments, indicating a lack of professionalism and potential predatory behavior. Overall, the consensus is that the mother was right to be protective of her daughter, highlighting the importance of safety and consent in medical settings.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

Family dynamics can become particularly strained in situations involving health care, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like sexual health. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict between the mother, daughter, and the doctor while addressing the concerns of all parties involved.

For the Mother

Communicate Openly with Your Daughter: Have a candid conversation with your daughter about her feelings regarding the doctor’s appointment. Validate her emotions and reassure her that her comfort is a priority.
Research and Choose a New Provider: If the current doctor’s policies do not align with your daughter’s needs, consider finding a new healthcare provider who is more accommodating and understands the importance of having a chaperone during sensitive procedures.
Express Concerns Professionally: If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to the clinic to express your concerns about the doctor’s approach and the policy regarding chaperones. This feedback can help improve their practices for future patients.

For the Daughter

Express Your Needs: Encourage your daughter to articulate her needs and preferences regarding medical appointments. This can empower her to advocate for herself in future situations.
Consider Counseling: If her social anxiety is significantly impacting her ability to seek medical care, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who can provide coping strategies and tools for managing anxiety in medical settings.

For the Doctor and Clinic

Review Policies: The clinic should review its policies regarding chaperones during sensitive examinations. Ensuring that patients feel safe and comfortable should be a priority.
Training and Sensitivity: Provide training for staff on how to handle sensitive situations with empathy and professionalism. This includes understanding the importance of parental involvement and the emotional needs of young patients.

For the Family as a Whole

Family Meetings: Hold regular family discussions about health and wellness. This can create an open environment where everyone feels comfortable discussing their health needs and concerns.
Seek Mediation if Necessary: If tensions remain high, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist, to facilitate discussions and help resolve underlying issues.

By taking these steps, the family can work towards a resolution that respects the daughter’s needs while also addressing the concerns raised by the mother and ensuring that the healthcare provider is held accountable for their practices. Open communication and mutual respect are key to navigating these challenging situations.