AITA? I told my fiancé I would not take care of an English bulldog if we got one.

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Dog Dilemma: Love vs. Responsibility

In a heartfelt debate, a woman grapples with her fiancé’s desire for a bulldog, a breed he cherishes from childhood, while she stands firm against it due to ethical concerns and the burden of care. As she outlines her reasons—ranging from health issues to personal preferences—she questions whether her stance makes her the villain in this scenario. This relatable conflict touches on the complexities of pet ownership, responsibility, and the clash of personal values in relationships. Can love for a breed outweigh the practical realities of caring for a pet?

Family Drama Over Bulldog Ownership

In a recent discussion about pet ownership, a couple found themselves in a conflict regarding the possibility of getting a bulldog. The fianc, who has a deep affection for bulldogs due to his childhood experiences, is eager to welcome one into their home. However, his partner has significant reservations about this breed. Below are the key points of their disagreement:

Fianc’s Background with Bulldogs:
- Grew up with bulldogs as family pets.
- Close family members are involved in the national kennel club, breeding and showing dogs with championship bloodlines.
Partner’s Concerns:
- Ethical Considerations: The partner does not support the breeding of bulldogs and is concerned about contributing to a controversial market.
- Health Issues: There are potential health problems associated with bulldogs, leading to high veterinary bills. The partner disagrees with the fianc’s assertion that bulldogs have healthy breathing.
- Care Responsibilities: The partner anticipates being responsible for 90% of the dog’s care due to the fianc’s long work hours. This includes daily maintenance tasks that the partner is unwilling to undertake.
- Activity Level: The partner desires a more active dog for outdoor adventures, while bulldogs are not known for their stamina.
- Personal Preferences: The partner dislikes the bulldog’s coarse hair, snoring, and overall personality.
Current Situation:
- The couple frequently disagrees on the topic of bulldog ownership.
- The partner feels it would be unfair to both the dog and herself to take on the responsibility alone.
- Despite understanding the fianc’s love for bulldogs, the partner is firm in her stance against owning one.

The partner is conflicted about whether she is being unreasonable by denying the fianc’s wishes for a bulldog. She acknowledges that it may seem harsh to refuse a pet that he loves, but she believes that the practical implications of ownership should take precedence. The couple is currently navigating this family drama, seeking a resolution that respects both their perspectives.

As they continue to discuss this issue, the couple is faced with the challenge of conflict resolution. They must find common ground that honors the fianc’s fond memories while addressing the partner’s valid concerns about pet ownership.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

My fiancé has always been around bulldogs; they were his childhood pets. Naturally, he absolutely loves them. Some of his close family members are part of the national kennel club, show them in dog shows, and breed them—all registered with proper health testing, etc. Very much NOT backyard breeders.

In the event we would own a bulldog, we would likely receive a top-of-the-line bred dog with a championship-winning bloodline. I am not a huge dog person to begin with, but I especially am not a fan of this breed. I don’t like them for a variety of reasons, which I’ll list below, but my main protest is that due to our work situation, I would be responsible for 90% of its care.

I am 100% prepared to take care of and love a family pet; however, I’ve made it clear that I do not want a bulldog. I’m not willing to provide the extensive level of daily care they require. To provide background as to why I don’t like/don’t want a bulldog:

I don’t think they are an ethical dog breed. I don’t support their breeding; I don’t want to contribute to that market, nor do I want to own such a controversial breed.
The extensive health issues and potential for super high vet bills. He argues that their breathing is perfectly healthy; however, I strongly disagree. We also plan to move to a hot climate within 5-10 years, which isn’t really compatible with a bulldog due to their heat sensitivity.
High maintenance daily cleaning of their skin folds, ears, and tail would be my responsibility; honestly, I’m just not down for that.
They’re not an active dog. I want a dog I can take hiking or on adventures, not a dog that can’t handle a 45-minute walk.
I’m not a fan of their personalities.
Their hair is so coarse it makes me itchy all over, irritates my nose and eyes, and it sticks to absolutely everything.
The snoring and snarling noises. I’m a light sleeper.

The reason I’m posting is that my fiancé and I frequently disagree on this topic. Today, I told him that with him working away long hours while I’m at home all the time, it wouldn’t be fair to me or the dog for us to own one because I’m not willing to provide such extensive daily care. I understand and respect that he loves this breed, but I genuinely don’t want the burden of responsibility shoved onto me just so he can own the dog breed he had as a kid.

I feel like I could be the AH since I’m pretty much telling him I wouldn’t take care of an innocent animal—that’s obviously not right. However, I also feel like I might not be the AH because this right now is all hypothetical since we don’t own one. I’m just trying to convey the point that we SHOULDN’T own one.

TL;DR: My fiancé wants a bulldog because he’s always had them; I don’t want one because I’d be solely responsible for it when I don’t like them, don’t want one, and don’t want to deal with the upkeep they require.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for not wanting a bulldog due to the extensive care requirements associated with the breed. Many users emphasize the inhumane breeding practices of bulldogs and the significant responsibilities that come with owning one, especially when the partner is often away for work. The majority opinion suggests that couples should be aligned in their pet choices, and there are many other dog breeds that could be considered instead.

Overall Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Bulldog Ownership Conflict

Navigating a disagreement about pet ownership can be challenging, especially when both partners have strong feelings about the issue. Here are some practical steps to help the couple find common ground while addressing both sides of the conflict:

Open Communication:
Both partners should sit down for an open and honest discussion about their feelings regarding bulldogs. It’s essential to create a safe space where each person can express their thoughts without judgment.
Understand Each Other’s Perspectives:
The fianc should share his fond memories and the emotional significance of bulldogs in his life. Meanwhile, the partner should articulate her concerns, emphasizing the practical implications of owning a bulldog.
Research Together:
Engage in joint research about bulldogs, including their health issues, care requirements, and ethical considerations surrounding their breeding. This can help both partners understand the realities of bulldog ownership.
Explore Alternatives:
Discuss other dog breeds that may align better with both partners’ preferences and lifestyles. Consider breeds that are more active and have fewer health concerns, which could satisfy the fianc’s desire for a pet while addressing the partner’s reservations.
Evaluate Responsibilities:
Have a candid conversation about the division of responsibilities in caring for a pet. If the fianc’s work schedule is demanding, they should discuss how to ensure that both partners can contribute to the dog’s care effectively.
Consider a Trial Period:
If both partners are open to it, consider fostering a bulldog or a similar breed for a short period. This can provide insight into the realities of pet ownership and help both partners assess their feelings and capabilities.
Seek Professional Guidance:
If the conflict persists, consider consulting a pet behaviorist or a relationship counselor. They can provide valuable insights and facilitate discussions that may lead to a resolution.

Ultimately, the goal is to find a solution that respects both partners’ feelings and leads to a harmonious living situation. By approaching the situation with empathy and understanding, the couple can work together to make a decision that is best for them and any potential pets.

Join the Discussion

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