AITA My BF goes on walks for 5-7 hours and doesn’t communicate where he is

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When Support Turns into Concern: A Relationship Dilemma

In a five-year relationship, a woman grapples with her boyfriend’s extreme anxiety and his habit of disappearing on late-night adventures without communication. While she tries to be supportive, his late-night escapades leave her worried and feeling disrespected, leading to a clash over what constitutes reasonable boundaries. As she seeks advice from strangers online, she begins to question whether his behavior hints at deeper issues like addiction or mental health struggles. This relatable story highlights the challenges of balancing support for a partner’s mental health with the need for trust and communication in a relationship.

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: A Wedding Tension Story

A 36-year-old woman (referred to as “Me”) shares her experience with her boyfriend, a 37-year-old man, highlighting the challenges they face in their relationship due to his anxiety and communication issues. Here’s a summary of the situation:

Relationship Background:
- Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years.
- He suffers from extreme anxiety and panic attacks.
- I support his need to take long walks to calm down.
Communication Issues:
- His walks often turn into uncommunicated adventures.
- I frequently wake up in the middle of the night to find him missing.
- After hours of worry, he answers my calls but accuses me of being unreasonable and controlling.
Concerning Locations:
- He has been found at various bars, including closed ones.
- He has spent time at a hotel across town with strangers.
- He has visited friends’ houses that I do not know.
- He has engaged in breakfast and drinks with unfamiliar people.
- He has had deep conversations with a 55-year-old woman.
- He has attended parties with strangers he met during his walks.
Emotional Impact:
- I feel worried and angry about his lack of communication.
- I believe his actions are disrespectful to our relationship.
- He insists that I am being controlling.
Seeking Help:
- After receiving feedback from others, I suspect he may need psychiatric care or could be struggling with alcohol addiction.
- I feel the need to address his mental health issues but have struggled to communicate this effectively.
- I wanted to document this situation to show him that my concerns are valid and significant.

This situation illustrates the complexities of family drama and the importance of conflict resolution in relationships, especially when mental health is involved. The tension surrounding their communication issues raises questions about trust, respect, and the need for open dialogue in a partnership.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Me 36F and my boyfriend 37M have been together for five years. He has extreme anxiety and panic attacks and will take long walks to calm down, which I am supportive of.

On numerous occasions, these walks have turned into other adventures, and he doesn’t update me. I have woken up at 3 AM, 5 AM, or even 8 AM the next morning to find him still not home.

After worried and frantic calls, he will reluctantly answer and make me out to be unreasonable and controlling. The places I have located him at after hours of no contact are numerous bars, bars that are closed, at a hotel across town with random people, friends’ houses I do not know, breakfast and drinks with strangers, a 55-year-old woman’s house having a heart-to-heart, and parties with strangers he met on his walk.

AITA for being worried and angry when he doesn’t communicate where he is going if his walks turn into hangouts with friends? I think it’s extremely disrespectful; he says I’m being controlling.

UPDATE

Thanks for your replies, everyone. I have been suspecting for a while that he either needs psychiatric care or has an alcohol addiction, or both.

He hasn’t been listening to me, and I needed the help of a bunch of strangers on the internet to feel confident in addressing his need for mental health care. I wanted to have this written thread as a backup to show him that I’m not being unreasonable and that this is a big issue.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the boyfriend’s behavior is suspicious and potentially indicative of infidelity or substance abuse. Many users emphasize that his claims of needing to manage panic attacks do not justify his actions, which include frequenting bars and spending time with strangers. Overall, commenters urge the original poster to trust her instincts and reconsider the relationship, highlighting the importance of honesty and healthy communication in partnerships.

Verdict: YTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complexities of your relationship, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and understanding for both yourself and your boyfriend. Here are some practical steps to help resolve the conflict:

For You: Addressing Your Concerns

Reflect on Your Feelings: Take time to understand your emotions. Acknowledge your worries and anger, but also consider how they stem from love and concern for your boyfriend’s well-being.
Communicate Openly: Choose a calm moment to express your feelings. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I feel worried when I don’t know where you are.” This can help him understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
Set Boundaries: Discuss what is acceptable behavior in your relationship. Clearly outline your expectations regarding communication, especially during his walks. This can help establish trust and security.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that he consider speaking to a mental health professional. Frame it as a way to support his anxiety management rather than as a criticism of his current coping mechanisms.

For Him: Understanding His Perspective

Recognize His Anxiety: Acknowledge that his anxiety may lead him to seek solace in walks or social interactions. Encourage him to express his feelings about his anxiety and how it affects his behavior.
Practice Open Communication: Encourage him to share his thoughts and whereabouts, especially during moments of distress. This can help alleviate your worries and foster a sense of partnership.
Explore Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Suggest alternative ways to manage his anxiety that do not involve disappearing or engaging with strangers. Activities like mindfulness, exercise, or hobbies can be beneficial.
Be Open to Feedback: Encourage him to listen to your concerns without becoming defensive. This can help him understand the impact of his actions on your relationship.

Joint Steps for Conflict Resolution

Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each week to discuss your feelings and any concerns. This can create a safe space for both of you to express yourselves.
Seek Couples Counseling: Consider attending therapy together. A professional can help facilitate communication and provide tools to navigate your challenges.
Build Trust Gradually: Work on rebuilding trust through consistent communication and transparency. Celebrate small victories in your relationship to reinforce positive changes.
Prioritize Self-Care: Both of you should engage in self-care practices. This can help manage stress and improve your overall well-being, making it easier to address relationship issues.

By taking these steps, you can work towards a healthier relationship built on trust, respect, and open communication. Remember, it’s essential to approach each other with empathy and a willingness to understand one another’s perspectives.

Join the Discussion

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