[UPDATE 4] AITA for cutting contact with my childhood best friend because she demanded that I break up with my fiancé?

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When Exes Cross Boundaries: A Tale of Friendship and Betrayal

In a tangled web of relationships, a woman grapples with the fallout of her ex-best friend’s inappropriate behavior towards her fiancé. As her mother navigates conflicting stories about the breakup, the tension escalates with unsolicited videos that blur the lines of friendship and respect. This story resonates with anyone who has faced the complexities of loyalty, trust, and the challenges of moving on from past relationships. How do you handle a friend who refuses to let go, especially when it involves someone you love?

Family Drama and Conflict Resolution: Navigating Wedding Tension

In a recent situation involving Mary, Dave, and the narrator, a series of events unfolded that highlighted the complexities of relationships and the challenges of conflict resolution. Here’s a summary of the key points:

Mary’s Actions: Mary, the narrator’s ex-best friend, has been sending explicit videos to Dave, the narrator’s fiancé. So far, three videos have been sent through different burner accounts.
Dave’s Response: Dave has chosen not to respond to any of the videos. He has deleted them and blocked Mary on all accounts. He hopes that by not engaging, Mary will eventually stop her attempts to contact him.
Narrator’s Feelings: The narrator finds it distressing to hear Mary moaning Dave’s name in the videos, adding to the wedding tension and overall discomfort in the situation.

The narrator also had a significant meeting with her mother:

Mother’s Awareness: The narrator’s mother reached out to discuss the recent breakup between Julian (Mary’s ex) and Mary, indicating she was aware of the situation.
Conflicting Stories: The mother received mixed accounts from both Julian and Mary, leading her to side with Julian. This confusion stemmed from the differing narratives presented by both parties.
Apology and Support: During their meeting, the mother expressed regret for not believing the narrator initially and sided with her after learning about the videos Mary sent to Dave.
Limiting Contact: The mother is considering limiting her contact with Mary and her mother, as they share many hobbies and clubs, complicating the situation further.

Overall, the narrator feels that progress is being made in her relationship with her mother:

Improved Communication: The narrator acknowledges that while things are not perfect, they are on a better path toward resolution.
Future Updates: The narrator mentioned this might be the last update unless significant developments occur, indicating a desire to move forward.

In response to comments from the community, the narrator clarified several points:

Dave receives such videos frequently due to his profession as a performer, where fans sometimes overstep boundaries.
The decision to file a police report regarding the videos rests solely with Dave, although the narrator can offer advice.
The couple has decided not to share the videos with anyone else, including their mothers, to maintain privacy.

This situation illustrates the ongoing family drama and the complexities of navigating relationships amidst wedding tension. The narrator’s journey reflects the importance of communication and conflict resolution in maintaining personal boundaries and familial relationships.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

I don’t really know how to start this, so yeah.

Mary hasn’t tried to contact me again, but she started sending videos of her having fun with herself to Dave. It’s been 3 so far, and they’ve all been sent through different burner accounts.

He didn’t respond to any of them, and we don’t really know what we should do about it. He gets sent videos like that quite often, but it’s usually just one video per person, not 3 in a row sent by the same one, which makes them easier to ignore or block.

So far, he’s obviously deleted all videos she’s sent him and blocked her on every account through which she tried to contact him. He hopes that if he’s not going to respond, that she’ll stop soon, and well, I hope so too.

It’s honestly getting annoying hearing my ex-best friend moan my fiancé’s name.

I also met up with my mom today. She texted me yesterday and asked me to meet up. She knows that Julian and Mary broke up and also knows the reason for it.

I don’t know how she’s gotten the story—it apparently was a weird mismatch of Julian, Mary, and Mary’s mom. My mom was pretty distraught when she told me this, and all of it didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Mary told her this, Julian told her that, and so on. She ended up believing Julian over Mary for whatever reason. Maybe it was because last time I met up with my mom, I told her that Mary’s interested in Dave, and that obviously matches Julian’s story? I have no idea.

I also don’t know why Julian told her. I’ve asked him to talk to my mom after some people suggested it in the comments, but he seemed pretty apprehensive. I guess he ended up telling her anyway.

Overall, she was very apologetic for not believing me and siding with Mary. She also asked me if Mary tried anything with Dave so far, and I told her about the videos.

She’s really mad at Mary and has blocked her number for now. She also wants to limit contact with Mary’s mother as far as I know, but doesn’t really know how to go about it yet.

They share a lot of hobbies and are basically in all the same clubs—book, sports, and so on. Typical late-50s mom stuff basically.

So yeah, I guess everything’s fine. I’m still going to keep my distance from her, but she seemed very genuine about wanting to make things right.

We’re on a better path now, still not great, but we’re getting there.

This might also be the last update—unless something big should happen, but if everything’s going to stay the way it’s right now, there’s not much to update on.

Edit

I just wanted to address some things people have said in the comments.

“Dave gets sent videos like that quite often” – he’s a performer. Most of his concerts are in bars and festivals, and people get drunk quickly, which then results in fans doing weird things or overstepping boundaries.
I have no say in whether he’s filing a police report. I can advise him, but he’s the one who has to go through with it.
We’re not going to show these videos to anyone. Mary’s mother and my mom can know about them, but there’s no point in showing or sending those to them. It’s private, and they don’t have to see that.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that Dave should not delete the inappropriate videos but rather save them as evidence for potential legal action, such as filing a restraining order. Many users emphasize the importance of preserving this evidence to protect himself against possible future accusations and to address the harassment he is experiencing. Overall, the comments reflect a clear stance that while forwarding the videos is inappropriate, documenting the situation is crucial for Dave’s safety and legal recourse.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the complexities of this situation, it’s essential to approach the conflict with empathy and a focus on effective communication. Here are practical steps for both the narrator and Dave to consider:

For the Narrator:

Open Dialogue with Dave: Have an honest conversation with Dave about how the situation is affecting both of you. Discuss feelings, boundaries, and how to support each other moving forward.
Encourage Dave to Document: While it may feel uncomfortable, encourage Dave to save the videos as evidence. This step is crucial for his protection and could be important if legal action becomes necessary.
Set Boundaries with Mary: Consider discussing with Dave the possibility of sending a clear message to Mary, either directly or through a mutual contact, stating that her behavior is unacceptable and must stop.
Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your mental health during this stressful time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and consider seeking support from friends or a therapist.

For Dave:

Maintain Evidence: As mentioned, save the explicit videos and any other communications from Mary. This documentation can be vital for any future legal steps.
Consider Legal Options: If the harassment continues, Dave should consult with a legal professional about the possibility of filing a restraining order or other protective measures.
Communicate with the Narrator: Keep the lines of communication open with the narrator. Share any feelings of discomfort or anxiety regarding the situation, and work together to find solutions.
Limit Engagement: Continue to block and ignore Mary’s attempts to contact him. Engaging with her could escalate the situation and give her the attention she seeks.

For Both Parties:

Seek Professional Guidance: Consider couples counseling to help navigate the emotional fallout from this situation. A neutral third party can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.
Establish a Support System: Lean on trusted friends and family members who can provide emotional support and perspective. Sharing your experiences can help alleviate some of the stress.
Focus on the Future: While it’s important to address the current conflict, also focus on your upcoming wedding and the positive aspects of your relationship. Plan activities that strengthen your bond and create joyful memories together.

By taking these steps, both the narrator and Dave can work towards resolving the conflict while maintaining their relationship and personal well-being. Remember, open communication and mutual support are key in overcoming challenges together.

Join the Discussion

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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
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