WIBTA if I didn’t sell my house to friends?

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

When Friends Become Foes: A Heart-Wrenching Dilemma

After discovering her husband’s year-long affair, a mother of two is faced with the emotional turmoil of selling her home, which is now a symbol of her shattered marriage. Complicating matters, her estranged friends—her husband’s best man and his wife—are vying to buy the house, but their lack of communication leaves her feeling uneasy and betrayed. As offers flood in, she grapples with the decision of whether to sell to them or to strangers, all while navigating the complexities of friendship, loyalty, and financial necessity. This relatable story highlights the often messy intersections of personal relationships and business, making readers question how far they would go to protect their own emotional well-being in a similar situation.

Family Drama Over House Sale After Marriage Breakdown

In a challenging situation, a woman is navigating the emotional turmoil of selling her house following the unexpected breakdown of her marriage. Here’s a summary of the events:

Background: The woman discovered her husband, Adam, had been having a year-long affair. After confronting him, he moved out, leaving her to manage the fallout alone with their two young children, aged 3 and 1.
House Sale: The house, solely in her name, is being sold privately to clear debts. Several interested buyers are competing for it, and she plans to finalize the sale within 72 hours.
Awkward Offer: Adam’s best friend, Paul, and his wife have expressed interest in purchasing the house but did so through the estate agent rather than directly contacting her. This has created tension, as they had distanced themselves during her difficult time.
Emotional Conflict: The woman feels uncomfortable with the idea of selling to friends who ghosted her during her crisis. She perceives their actions as insensitive and is reluctant to engage with them further.
Decision Dilemma: As offers come in, she contemplates whether to accept a higher offer from Paul and his wife or to choose another buyer, despite the offers being similar. She feels conflicted about the implications of selling to them.

Update on the Sale Process

After receiving a high offer close to $3 million from Paul and his wife, the woman reluctantly agrees to proceed with the sale. However, complications arise:

Lack of Contract: Despite agreeing to the sale, she does not receive a contract immediately, leading to concerns about the legitimacy of the offer.
Emotional Manipulation: Paul attempts to reach out, expressing a desire to check on her well-being. The estate agent warns her that they may not sign the contract until she confirms she is okay with the sale.
Feeling Cornered: The woman feels pressured and realizes that Paul and his wife are concerned about how their actions will be perceived by others, leading to feelings of emotional blackmail.
Final Decision: To secure the sale and provide for her children, she sends a text to Paul, stating she is fine with the sale. This decision leaves her feeling uneasy but is made with her children’s future in mind.

Now, she awaits the cooling-off period to pass, with the settlement scheduled for four months later. The situation highlights the complexities of family drama, conflict resolution, and wedding tension in the aftermath of a marriage breakdown.

This is Original story from Reddit

Image credit: Pixabay (This is example image – Not the actual photo)

Story

Throwaway account. My house is for sale. It’s being sold due to my marriage unexpectedly breaking down after I found out my husband – Adam – had been having a year-long affair and, when caught, moved out.

Adam has been a real POS in the aftermath – very justified, hostile, and mean. It’s been awful. Did I mention we have two kids? They are 3 and 1. I was pregnant the entire time he cheated.

I digress. The house is in my name and is operating under a private sale. And right now, there are a few parties competing for it. I’ll sell it in the next 72 hours to clear our debts.

Here’s the kicker: his best friend, his best man, and his wife want to buy it. But they didn’t tell me. They had the estate agent tell me.

These are people who I have called friends for a long time, but when this affair broke out, they were sympathetic but then vanished in the last 6 months. They ghosted me and the children – would be cordial when I ran into them, and I would be too – but other than that, no support.

Now they are in a tight race with others to buy it, and I find the entire scenario weird and deeply awkward. Why wouldn’t they just call and tell me beforehand?! Why get the agent to tell me? There’s better ways to go about this.

They aren’t bad people. Just awkward. This is so shitty and emotional. But on a logical front, sell this damn house.

So the offers are coming in, and they’re getting pretty tight money-wise and similar in terms. I told the agent that someone needs to differentiate and make a bigger offer so that I’m not splitting hairs. I am reluctant to sell to them as it’s so weird and awkward.

I feel like they’re dancing on the grave a bit. I really want these other bidders I don’t know to get it because I don’t want to make a decision. I don’t really see these friends anymore – my husband does – and I can see it for what it is, despite it being really disappointing by them.

Would I be the asshole if I went with these other people if the offers and terms were practically the same?

Edit

Edited for paragraph breaks!

Update if interested

For those who commented or upvoted my post, thank you for your supportive comments and advice. I got a high offer; it’s close to 3m, and it’s from my ex’s best friend and his wife. Fine.

Obviously awkward and uncomfortable as hell, but fine, that’s an incredible price and more money than I dreamed of this house fetching. It clears our mortgages, and there’s cash leftover. The other buyers walk.

I tell the agent “yes – sold. Let me know when the signed contracts come through.” But… I don’t get a contract. The agent and I are on the phone all the time. He is communicating with me around the clock, and it is reassuring.

But I tell him I have a bad feeling; why don’t I have a contract? He tells me that it’s all in hand, they are finalizing some smaller details, and it will come through shortly. And that’s when the calls and messages start.

The husband – let’s call him Paul – is trying to reach out. He wants to speak. I avoid his calls and tell him I’m busy with the kids; any questions regarding the sale should go direct through to the agent. I’m ready to sign.

Paul says, “no concerns commercially, we want to check if you’re ok, call me.” My agent says – “you’re right to have a bad feeling; they won’t sign until you say you are ok with this sale.” He says in 20 years of real estate he’s never heard of such a thing.

I tell the agent this is emotional blackmail. He says he has tried everything to convince them, but they insist on me saying it’s ok. I feel shaky and sick.

It’s at this point that I very much can see that they are having a crisis of conscience. They have suddenly realized the optics aren’t great around this. They know that this will invite a lot of judgment… and when it comes, they need to have some good ‘spin’ on it.

I can picture them saying, “how did she feel about it? She was fine – she was just so relieved that another family was moving into it. Naturally, we checked on her!” I find all of this so gross.

So I’m over a barrel. I’m about to lose 3m if I don’t tell them what they want to hear. It’s too risky to call their bluff. I can’t believe they let it get to this point and then throw this emotional condition into a commercial transaction.

So I tell them what they want to hear only via text – so I don’t have to speak to them. This forced message apologizes that I have been avoiding their calls as I’ve been overwhelmed with selling the house and I’m cool with it. I feel… grubby.

I don’t lie; I really don’t. But this is for my children. I send the text, and within an hour, my inbox gets the contract. I sign it.

I receive a text from each of them thanking me and that my children and I are important to them and they would never have signed unless I was ok with it. Now I am waiting for the cooling-off period to pass.

Settlement isn’t for 4 months. If they bail between now and then, and of course they could, they would forfeit their 500k deposit.

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not at fault for choosing to sell their house to the highest bidder, regardless of their relationship with the potential buyers. Many users emphasize that OP should prioritize their own feelings and financial interests over any past connections, suggesting that selling to the husband’s friends could lead to emotional discomfort and regret. Overall, the comments advocate for OP’s autonomy in the sale process, reinforcing the idea that they should sell to whoever they feel most comfortable with.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Conflict

In navigating the emotional and financial complexities of selling a home after a marriage breakdown, it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy and clarity. Here are practical steps for both the woman and Adam’s friends to consider:

For the Woman (OP)

Prioritize Your Well-Being: Acknowledge your feelings about the potential buyers. It’s crucial to prioritize your emotional health and comfort in this decision.
Seek Professional Guidance: Consult with a real estate attorney or a trusted advisor to ensure that the sale process is transparent and that your interests are protected.
Communicate Clearly: If you decide to sell to another buyer, consider sending a polite message to Paul and his wife explaining your decision. This can help maintain boundaries while also providing closure.
Reflect on Your Choices: Take time to evaluate what selling to Paul and his wife would mean for you emotionally. If it feels too complicated, trust your instincts to choose a different buyer.
Focus on Your Children: Keep your children’s needs at the forefront of your decision-making. Ensure that the sale will provide stability and security for them.

For Adam’s Friends (Paul and His Wife)

Respect Boundaries: Understand that your previous distance during OP’s crisis may have impacted her feelings towards you. Acknowledge this and give her space to make her own decisions.
Communicate Openly: If you genuinely want to check on OP’s well-being, consider reaching out in a way that does not tie it to the house sale. This can help rebuild trust without pressure.
Be Prepared for Any Outcome: Accept that OP may choose not to sell to you. Respect her decision and be supportive, regardless of the outcome.
Reflect on Your Actions: Consider how your previous distancing may have affected OP. Acknowledge any insensitivity and be willing to apologize if appropriate.
Focus on the Future: If the sale does not go through, think about how you can support OP and her children in other ways, fostering a more positive relationship moving forward.

Conclusion

Conflict resolution in emotionally charged situations requires understanding and respect from all parties involved. By prioritizing open communication and emotional well-being, both the woman and Adam’s friends can navigate this challenging time with greater empathy and clarity.