WIBTA if I don’t “share” the inheritance that I received from a friend with her daughter?

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When Inheritance Sparks Family Drama

After the sudden passing of her beloved neighbor Valorie, a woman finds herself unexpectedly inheriting everything Valorie owned, including her condo and car. However, the twist comes when Valorie’s estranged daughter, Sam, demands a share of the inheritance, claiming that the close bond between Valorie and her neighbor was exploitative. This situation raises questions about family ties, forgiveness, and the complexities of relationships, making it a relatable dilemma for anyone who has navigated the intricacies of family dynamics and loss. As the protagonist grapples with her legal rights versus moral obligations, readers are left to ponder what they would do in her shoes.

Inheritance Conflict: A Family Drama Unfolds

Recently, I (F32) found myself in the middle of a family drama following the death of my neighbor and close friend, Valorie (F68). Our relationship blossomed when I moved into my condo in 2018, and we shared many Saturday mornings tending to our plants and chatting. Valorie had been a widow since she was 55, and I learned that she had a daughter, Sam (F44), with whom she had been estranged for decades.

Background: Valorie’s estrangement with Sam began in the early 2000s when Sam came out as gay. Valorie’s husband, Garry, rejected Sam, leading to a painful rift that Valorie regretted deeply.
Attempts at Reconciliation: After hearing Valorie’s story, I helped her reach out to Sam via a heartfelt message on Facebook, but Sam never responded.
Valorie’s Passing: Tragically, Valorie passed away unexpectedly from an embolism a month ago. I informed Sam about Valorie’s death and funeral arrangements, but she did not attend the funeral.

To my surprise, I discovered that Valorie had left everything to me in her will. This revelation led to a conflict with Sam, who recently messaged me demanding Valorie’s belongings, accusing me of taking advantage of her mother.

Sam’s Reaction: Sam’s message was filled with anger and accusations, which left me feeling defensive. I questioned her entitlement to Valorie’s possessions, especially since she had not been in contact with Valorie for years.
Legal Standing: According to the lawyer handling Valorie’s estate, the inheritance is legally mine, and Sam has no claim to it.
Emotional Dilemma: I find myself torn between my legal rights and the possibility that Valorie might have wanted to include Sam in some way.

As I navigate this situation, I am considering whether to offer Sam something sentimental from Valorie’s belongings. I have been advised to consult another lawyer for guidance on how to handle communication with Sam, especially given her harsh messages.

Valorie’s Legacy: Valorie was a kind and accepting person, known for her support of the LGBTQ community. This contrasts sharply with the narrative Sam has about their relationship.
Next Steps: I plan to spend the weekend sorting through Valorie’s belongings, looking for items that might hold sentimental value for Sam.

This situation has highlighted the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of conflict resolution in the wake of loss. I hope to find a way to honor Valorie’s memory while also being empathetic to Sam’s feelings.

This is Original story from Reddit

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Story

I F32 recently came into an inheritance when my neighbor and close friend, Valorie F68, died. I met Valorie when I moved into my condo in 2018, and she became my next-door neighbor. Our places are on the top floor and have almost connecting balconies.

We used to spend every Saturday morning outside taking care of our plant babies and chatting. I had learned that Valorie had been a widow since she was 55. I got the impression that she had married young and never had a true chance to learn who she was until after Garry had died.

I had always thought that Valorie was alone in the world. Turns out that Valorie had had one child, a daughter, Sam F44. However, they had been estranged since the early 2000s.

The story that Valorie told me was that Sam had come out as gay when she was just out of high school. That did not sit well with Garry. He told Sam that she was no longer his daughter and kicked her out, telling her to never contact them or come home again.

The whole situation broke Valorie’s heart, and it was her biggest regret in life. She told me that she had always wished she had tried to fight for Sam, but in the moment, she was so shocked that she watched the whole thing happen without saying a word. When I had first heard that story, I asked if she had ever tried to reach out.

Valorie told me that she hadn’t because she didn’t know how to even try. So I did some internet sleuthing and found Sam on Facebook. It turns out that Sam had managed to build a good life for herself.

I helped Valorie draft a heartfelt message to Sam. Valorie apologized for everything and told Sam how much her perspectives had changed over the years. Valorie also asked if they could try and build a new relationship.

We sent the message and saw that Sam had seen and maybe read the message, but Sam never responded. About a month ago, I got home from work to find Valorie passed away on her balcony. She had suffered an embolism.

I sent the link to her obituary and memorial page to Sam. I didn’t see Sam at the funeral. There is a lawyer handling all of Valorie’s affairs.

I thought that I would simply grieve the loss of my friend and eventually would have a new neighbor. I never expected to be the only person who Valorie mentioned in her will, let alone to have been left everything.

A few days ago, Sam messaged me. She was upset and demanded that I give her Valorie’s things, claiming that I took advantage of an old widow. I was upset when I first read Sam’s message and thought, “Who does she think she is? She hasn’t spoken to Valorie in literal decades and never responded when Valorie tried to reach out.”

Now Valorie is her mother, and that entitles her to Valorie’s stuff? Now I wonder if I should do something for Sam. I go back and forth on whether Valorie would want me to. Valorie knew where Sam was, so she could have included Sam somehow.

The lawyer I talked to said that the inheritance is completely mine and that Sam has no claim, but should I give Sam something?

UPDATE

Thank you to everyone who has commented and given me the outside perspective that I needed. I’m shocked at the volume of people who have reacted to this. I was really only hoping to have a handful of responses to help me think.

I do want to clarify some things that I wasn’t able to in the original post due to the character limits. I first want to address the timeline of events:

Sam was kicked out in the early 2000s. I think it was in 2002.
Garry died in 2011.
Valorie sold the “family home” and downsized to her condo in 2013 because the house was too big for just her.
I moved into my condo in 2018.
I learned about Sam, Valorie wrote the letter, and we sent it to Sam in 2022.
Valorie retired and had her will and estate set up at the end of 2023.
Valorie died on January 23, 2025.
The funeral was on January 31, 2025. I messaged Sam as soon as the funeral arrangements were finalized.
Sam messaged me this past Sunday on February 23, 2025.

To clarify some questions that people had about the estate, it’s currently in the formal probate process. Valorie was a legal secretary for a family law office, and the lawyer she worked with specialized in estate law. She had a full career there, and as part of her retirement package, that lawyer helped her set up her will and take care of the estate.

This is the lawyer who told me that everything is being done by the book, that everything will be fully settled in a few months, and that all of Valorie’s wishes are being carried out to the letter. I have taken Reddit’s advice and will be speaking to a different lawyer about both my legal interests in the estate and how to communicate with Sam.

I still haven’t responded to her because I haven’t been sure how. Her initial message was extremely harsh and attacking, and that is what triggered that first emotional and protective response in me. I’m trying to take Reddit’s advice and be empathetic to Sam’s situation.

However, that is challenging because Sam has continued to send me a few additional messages demanding that I respond and calling me a “heartless bitch” and “homophobic bigot,” among other things. I’m not going to respond until after I’ve talked to that lawyer and can do it in the right way.

I do think that Reddit is right and that if Sam wants any sentimental items, she should have them because they might help her healing. I do want to be clear that the estate is not very big and is very simple. All that Valorie had was her condo and her car.

That car was more valuable to her than it is on the market. It’s a 2014 model of a daily driver. I hold the spare key to Valorie’s condo and have been in to clear out the kitchen and to take care of her plant babies because I can’t bear to see them die too.

It’s been really strange being in that space without her. I’ve been given permission to start cleaning out the condo, but not to get rid of anything. I’m going to spend this weekend going through her things and organizing them into boxes.

I don’t know what type of sentimental items that I’ll find because Valorie doesn’t have any family photos on display in her place. There are no photos of Sam and no photos of Garry, not even wedding photos.

I can’t speak to the Valorie who Sam knew. I do know that in her younger years, Valorie was an active member of the LDS church, but that she had stopped being religious by the time that I knew her. The Valorie who I knew was by no means a bigot.

I knew her as a kind, loving, and accepting person. She knew that I’m bi and never judged me for it. She has a Pride flag hanging on her balcony, and she used to attend Pride parades as one of those ally moms/grandmas who would hug and be supportive to the LGBTQ youth who had no one.

I knew her as someone who was trying to make amends to the universe. When I first heard the story about Sam, I was shocked because that just didn’t line up with the Valorie that I knew.

Valorie did have her own Facebook account and knew how to use it, but Sam was not easy to find. It took me a few months to track her down. We used Facebook Messenger because that was our only means of contacting Sam.

The “message” was a 4-5 page letter where Valorie told Sam everything and completely shared her soul. Valorie only reached out once because, “Sam was so much like her father, and I don’t want

View the Original Reddit Post Here

Summary of Reddit Comments

The top Reddit comments indicate a strong consensus that the original poster (OP) is not the asshole (NTA) for keeping the inheritance, as Valorie’s actions towards her daughter Sam were deemed unacceptable and damaging. Many users emphasize that Valorie’s estrangement from Sam for decades reflects poorly on her character, and while some suggest offering sentimental items to Sam, they agree that she has no claim to the financial inheritance due to her mother’s neglect. Overall, the comments highlight the complexity of familial relationships and the moral implications of inheritance in light of past wrongs.

Verdict: NTA

Expert Advice for Resolving the Inheritance Conflict

Navigating the complexities of inheritance, especially in the wake of loss, can be emotionally challenging for everyone involved. Here are some practical steps to help you address the situation with empathy and professionalism, while also considering both your rights and Sam’s feelings.

For You (the Original Poster)

Reflect on Valorie’s Wishes: Take some time to consider what Valorie might have wanted. While her will is legally binding, her values and beliefs about family and reconciliation may guide your actions.
Consult a Lawyer: Since you mentioned seeking legal advice, ensure you have a clear understanding of your rights and any potential implications of your decisions. A lawyer can help you navigate communication with Sam and protect your interests.
Consider Offering Sentimental Items: As you sort through Valorie’s belongings, identify items that may hold sentimental value for Sam. A thoughtful gesture could help bridge the gap and show that you respect Valorie’s relationship with her daughter.
Communicate Openly: If you decide to reach out to Sam, approach the conversation with empathy. Acknowledge her feelings and express your understanding of the pain caused by their estrangement. This can help de-escalate tensions.

For Sam

Encourage Reflection: It may be beneficial for Sam to reflect on her relationship with Valorie and the estrangement. Understanding the complexities of their past could help her process her emotions more effectively.
Seek Support: Encourage Sam to seek emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist. Processing grief and anger in a healthy way can be crucial for her healing.
Consider Reaching Out: If Sam is open to it, suggest that she consider reaching out to you for a conversation. This could provide an opportunity for her to express her feelings and for you to clarify your position.
Respect Boundaries: While it’s important for Sam to express her feelings, it’s equally important for her to respect your legal rights and decisions regarding Valorie’s estate.

Finding Common Ground

Ultimately, both you and Sam are navigating a painful situation. By approaching this conflict with empathy and understanding, you can honor Valorie’s memory while also addressing the emotional needs of everyone involved. Here are some additional steps to consider:

Facilitate a Meeting: If both parties are willing, consider arranging a meeting where you can discuss the situation openly. This could help clear misunderstandings and foster a sense of closure.
Document Everything: Keep a record of all communications with Sam regarding the inheritance. This can be helpful if any disputes arise in the future.
Be Patient: Healing takes time. Allow both yourself and Sam the space to process emotions and come to terms with the situation.

By taking these steps, you can navigate this difficult situation with compassion and integrity, honoring Valorie’s legacy while also being sensitive to the complexities of family dynamics.

Join the Discussion

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What do you think? Would you have handled this differently?
Share your thoughts below! Vote: Do you agree with Reddit’s verdict?